when i red "a7babtak akthar mma yanba3'y" book there was a line catches my eyes the writer said"kam kont kasyan ya 3azez" i dont know why but i touches my heart in special way that's the only line i can remember from all those books i red .
i dont know why i started with that line in my head as i cant name the phase we are in nw me and the man who was going to be the man of my life ,,we are not talking at all and there is a reason for that but i cant define it may be we aren't speaking coz its already over and we have already said it all and what i wanna say will be gone wiz the wind ,or maybe we have something to say, explanations are required although i doubt so as i'm in that point when u know that you have spend half of the relationship being just dummy ass..and the first have trying to not become the dummy ass but failed ,
Whatever am feeling nw i cant deny how wonderful you was with me and how beautiful ur words and actions were before we got to the point i admit that i cant stand my life without you "or so i thought".
NW he is saying some words like "ana msh ana ana wa7ed tany 3'er el 3rfto zman" u feel like hell yes you are a different person nw and if you are little bet smart you wouldn't be so proud. different doesn't mean always good honey, you are worse person than i ever know. or may be you were but i didn't notice .
I have been in the same circle for a while nw, i cried and hated myself and my life i wished the pain of being that stupid to go away "no dear neither a tear was for your sake " to go away with the flow. i needed to be loved and cared of so much that i was blind to go through with a comic.
A comic which in it the princess complete her life with half a man, one who cant be even responsible for his own mistake and blaming everybody else for every s*** in his life.one who cant stand for his own words and actions ,person cant defend his choices and believes if he have any and we know he don't ,a man who gain his self confidence from possessing important stuff for other ppl .one who envy even his brother for the love he have,man who cant wish good cant give credit to any of his friends ..to get mad for not being the prom king or his pic. doesn't get a lot of likes .excuse me when i say a CHILD who couldn't appreciate my dad's good intentions when he spoke with him like grown up man .
the question is will i do it all over again? yes i don't regret every moment i just hated the end the one i proudly contributed in ruin it but learned a lot through it too as to never repeat my words even if i needed to coz i cant make ppl listen when they don't wanna hear,to never cry to a man no matter what coz after a while who cant feel ur sadness wont appreciate ur tears, to stop asking stupid questions coz half of them you are already know the answer and the other half believe me you don't wanna know the answer .
but what i really wish for is to get my senses worked out to know the end to smell it and to stop trying when it's already gone whatever gone is luv,care,friendship,good times ect. u gotta sense it and to walk proudly. to choose not to fight in wars which the only gain from it is pain and hateful feeling that will only destroy you it will eat u a live dear .
may be NO not may be am sure i don't know where my life is going right nw " i wish somewhere nice " :) and i cant define my goal yet but that's never bad that only shows that i have a lot of opportunities a head of me after i choose the road there is no coming back you will have to stand up for what you already got .so am getting warmed up here so when am ready i will take the right road for the last time and i will enjoy the ride .
