فى الحياة كذا مبدأ ومش كل الناس بتقر كل المبادىء ماهو مش مبدا انك تغيش حياتك كلها خايف مع ان مش دى وجة نظر ناس كتير شايفة ان عادى لما ناس غيرهم تمةت من الخوف و يبقى وضع طبيعى و مش مبدأ انك تدور على الحنان والامان تلاقيهم مفقودين عند اقرب الناس و تشوف انت نفسك ان دة عادى...
الخوف شعور مدمر من ضمن مشاعر كتير فتاكة بالنفس البشرية بس انك تفضل عايش طول الوقت بجد مرعوب دى اصلا خرجت من ضمن المبادىء فى الحياة و من ضمن الافكار و مجال النقاش و دخلت فة مجال الارهاب الارهاب الفكرى لاى شخص عايش كدة..ولما يكون من اقرب الناس يبقى مفيش حل و دخلنا فى حوار الاستسلام لا صوت مسموع و لا فكر موجود شخص مش عايز يسمع ولا يصدق غير نفسة و تانى واقعة اقوى من التغييروالاستسلام عندوا حل مثير و سهل و جميييييييييييل...
لكن استسلم لاية وازاى ازاى استسلم لشعور السبب فى وجودة بيتغير و مش عارف استسلم لاية ولا لاية م كل ثانية سبب جديد...وبعدين كدة شىء غريب استسلم لكونى انا وان دى الحياة طيب م انا مستسلم من زمان وعارف لية بقى الشعور مبيختفيش... عشت استسلم لكونة جنس معين وان شكلى محدد وان عيوبى مراية ومميزاتى مختفية عشت مستسلم لان اسمى كذا و هكذا............
بس مش عارف ازاى استسلم لشعور بيخلى جسمى يرجف و ابقى عايز اختفى وهو بردة معايا مصمم مش هيختفى...الرعب وصلنا لحافة الرعب كل حركة و كل فكرة مليها رعب من مجهول وظروف ضد المعقول وكل متتخيل انها كدة اسوا ما يكون تضرب بفكرك عرض الحائط و تكسر الحدود وتتخطى كل الموجود وتعمل لنفسها حكاية وموضوع...
لو قلت دة اسوا شعور اخاف اجرب اسوا من كدة مفيش حاجة مضمونة ولا معروفة فاقدر اقول انة من اكتر المشاعر المدمرة الى عشتها وبعيشها وطول م انا كدة هعيشها و تبدا تعرف يعنى اية انسان يعيش على حافة الكتمان لا عارف يصحى ولا عارف ينام عايش ندمان اكون مش عارف ولا اكون مش عاجب وعايش دايما بردان اسال ازاى اكون انسان يقولوا انك تستسلم للحرمان لشعور اقوى من النسيان....
الأحد، ٦ ديسمبر ٢٠٠٩
الاثنين، ١٦ نوفمبر ٢٠٠٩
الجمعة، ١٨ سبتمبر ٢٠٠٩
soul
when u set alone ur mind cant get it u cant imagine how unfair life could be and u cant imagine this ppl trying to make u somethin u r not and force u to be aslave to there desirse while all wt u were dreaming about is to find the shoulder the way out to be better u find urself droppin down and down and losin all da hope to be close to ur dream u r just far &far away
wiz ur mouth closing and ur eyes sadness u try to servive the situation coz u just cant wish to die cant wish to be better and cant find the way out of that except acceptin it as fast as u can so u dont suffer no more and every day u find urself suffering more and more no stop no way out u look around no body is there and u feel so lonly ur tears like a secret its like u r sitting wiz them and they cant see it ur mind stop working and ur body stopped moving could it be the end may be if i stopped moving they notice they listen they think may be coz doing wt they want dont
work they keep coming 4 more,,,,in da middle of the way i stopped just STOP
could it be nw...may be after some minutes give it minutes,,,ok hours after all they will notice that am her ,,yea am in da middle of da way an standin here an here ..
oh cant they think, notice, just watch me ppl am here why cant they see me
hours,,days and am still here and dont know wt is this?the felling i have in my stomic is that sadness or lonlieness anyway i cant stand it any more wiz my sad sad eyes i opened them to find me standin there listenin to wt i have been told..WT
then how come iam here and they talkin to me room away oh no,,is it that way??iam half there and half here???see its me moving nw but it doesnt seem like me at all the way i move i walk i talk this person wiz no mind this is person wiz no soul ..IS IT THAT WAY???IAM ABODY WIZ NO SOUL then whoes tears is fallin nw whoes eyes is closin painfuly nw??
wiz ur mouth closing and ur eyes sadness u try to servive the situation coz u just cant wish to die cant wish to be better and cant find the way out of that except acceptin it as fast as u can so u dont suffer no more and every day u find urself suffering more and more no stop no way out u look around no body is there and u feel so lonly ur tears like a secret its like u r sitting wiz them and they cant see it ur mind stop working and ur body stopped moving could it be the end may be if i stopped moving they notice they listen they think may be coz doing wt they want dont
work they keep coming 4 more,,,,in da middle of the way i stopped just STOP
could it be nw...may be after some minutes give it minutes,,,ok hours after all they will notice that am her ,,yea am in da middle of da way an standin here an here ..
oh cant they think, notice, just watch me ppl am here why cant they see me
hours,,days and am still here and dont know wt is this?the felling i have in my stomic is that sadness or lonlieness anyway i cant stand it any more wiz my sad sad eyes i opened them to find me standin there listenin to wt i have been told..WT
then how come iam here and they talkin to me room away oh no,,is it that way??iam half there and half here???see its me moving nw but it doesnt seem like me at all the way i move i walk i talk this person wiz no mind this is person wiz no soul ..IS IT THAT WAY???IAM ABODY WIZ NO SOUL then whoes tears is fallin nw whoes eyes is closin painfuly nw??
الخميس، ٩ يوليو ٢٠٠٩
مش عارفة
مين محلمش انوا يغير حاجة ..مين فينا مفيش يوم جة و قال بس ياريت لو .لو عرفت اركن انهاردة .لو لقيت المحل دة فاتح .انا بقى ياما قلت انا حلمت انى اصحى فيوم الاقى بابا رجع البيت و ماما مش بتعيط.يا ما حلمت و انا صغيرة انى بابا يعاملنى على طول كويس .يا ما قلت امتى اصحى و ماما مش بتزعق.
ياما حلمت انى اطول و انى ارفع و دايما اجيب الدرجات النهائية يمكن سعتها الناس تغير معاملتها ليا انا بس كنت عايزة الناس تحبنى على طوووووول و لما كبرت و عرفت ان دة مستحيل بدات افهم اتغيرت شوية يعنى احلامى كبرت معايا .بقيت اقول يا ريت مامى تبطل تستنى بابا و تعيش الواقع و تشوف الحقيقة بقى و حلمت ان بابا يعرف يعبر عن حبوا لينا احسن من كدة.
وبدات احب كونى انا و احب شكلى و بقيت احلم انى لما انزل اشوف فى طريقى ناس مبسوطة على وشهم الرضا ناس بتحب بعض و بتساعد بعض و بقول لو بس مش اشوف حد محتاج انهاردة؟بس دة استحالة من فينا مش محتاجة حاجة و مش قصدى مادية بس و نفسية ياااااااااااااااااااة يا جماعة حلم حلم اقول اية بس؟
تقولى انتى حلمتى تغيرى الكون هقول لا انا بس حلمت اغير حياتى للاحسن و اكتشفت انى بطالب بتغيير الكون ..و اكتشفت انى كمان بطالب بلن الناس تبطل تحلم عايزة مامى تبطل تحلم برجوع بابا و هو دة ال بتمناة حالا حالا و الى بسببوا بقول كدة ممكن تفكر ان قراراتك مش بتاذى حد غيرك لكن كل قرار بتاخدوا بياثر بشكل او باخر على حد تانى حتى لو الحد دة انت متعرفوش تصور لو الحد دة ابنك؟تصدقوا ممكن اكون انا صح انا عايزة الناس تبطل تحلم شوية و تعيش الواقع و الناس الى عايشاها زى م هى تبدا تحلم شوية و تحقق دة ..
ياما حلمت انى اطول و انى ارفع و دايما اجيب الدرجات النهائية يمكن سعتها الناس تغير معاملتها ليا انا بس كنت عايزة الناس تحبنى على طوووووول و لما كبرت و عرفت ان دة مستحيل بدات افهم اتغيرت شوية يعنى احلامى كبرت معايا .بقيت اقول يا ريت مامى تبطل تستنى بابا و تعيش الواقع و تشوف الحقيقة بقى و حلمت ان بابا يعرف يعبر عن حبوا لينا احسن من كدة.
وبدات احب كونى انا و احب شكلى و بقيت احلم انى لما انزل اشوف فى طريقى ناس مبسوطة على وشهم الرضا ناس بتحب بعض و بتساعد بعض و بقول لو بس مش اشوف حد محتاج انهاردة؟بس دة استحالة من فينا مش محتاجة حاجة و مش قصدى مادية بس و نفسية ياااااااااااااااااااة يا جماعة حلم حلم اقول اية بس؟
تقولى انتى حلمتى تغيرى الكون هقول لا انا بس حلمت اغير حياتى للاحسن و اكتشفت انى بطالب بتغيير الكون ..و اكتشفت انى كمان بطالب بلن الناس تبطل تحلم عايزة مامى تبطل تحلم برجوع بابا و هو دة ال بتمناة حالا حالا و الى بسببوا بقول كدة ممكن تفكر ان قراراتك مش بتاذى حد غيرك لكن كل قرار بتاخدوا بياثر بشكل او باخر على حد تانى حتى لو الحد دة انت متعرفوش تصور لو الحد دة ابنك؟تصدقوا ممكن اكون انا صح انا عايزة الناس تبطل تحلم شوية و تعيش الواقع و الناس الى عايشاها زى م هى تبدا تحلم شوية و تحقق دة ..
السبت، ١٣ يونيو ٢٠٠٩
يا دمعتى
مش هتنزلى و مش هضعف وبقولك اهو انا مش هعيط..ومش هنسى ومش هسامح ولا هسكت ولا هعدى ..انا مش هقول معلش ولا مش قصدهم سمعانى يا دمعتى؟
ايوة انا مش هعمل كدة ومش هعيدة دة انتى اكتر واحدة تعبتى معايا دة انتى عارفة انا شفت اية يا عنيا مالك غضبانة عليا؟؟مش عايزة تبصيلى لية بتهربى لية من صورتة فى المرايا مش راضية عليا؟؟وكان راضيك ذلها و دمعت عنيها؟عيزانا نعيدوا عايزانى انسى و اسامح واعمل اية معاكى لما متلقيش حل غير دموعك انتى كمان ونفضل فى الظلمة نبكى ونستنى بصيلى يا عنيا وقليلى اية جرا ليا؟
وانتى يا اديا بتترعشى و باردة وتايهة كدة فى الدنيا مش راضية ولا مش عارفة ترضى ولا لا..عايزانى احط خدى عليكى واعد استنى و يوم مابكى من الضعف متقدريش تمسحى دموع عنيا ولا نفضل نستنى اليوم الى نرضى ونرجع فية..
انا بقى بقولكوا لا والف لا مهما تعبت دلوقتى هرتاح ومهما شلت هقوى ومش هقول لحاجة لا و مش هنسى ولا اسامح ولا اسكت ولا اخضع حتى لو دة حطمنى من جوا و انا مش عايزاها انا هقول الانسان مش من النسيان لو حتى كتبت انا مش هسمح ليكوا تنسوا ذل حد ليكوا ولا هرضى انكوا تنسوا الى فضلت تسمعوها وتشوفوها بتنسى وتسلم وخلوها ادامكوا عشان تعرفوا لو سلمتوا هتبقوا اية..
ايوة انا مش هعمل كدة ومش هعيدة دة انتى اكتر واحدة تعبتى معايا دة انتى عارفة انا شفت اية يا عنيا مالك غضبانة عليا؟؟مش عايزة تبصيلى لية بتهربى لية من صورتة فى المرايا مش راضية عليا؟؟وكان راضيك ذلها و دمعت عنيها؟عيزانا نعيدوا عايزانى انسى و اسامح واعمل اية معاكى لما متلقيش حل غير دموعك انتى كمان ونفضل فى الظلمة نبكى ونستنى بصيلى يا عنيا وقليلى اية جرا ليا؟
وانتى يا اديا بتترعشى و باردة وتايهة كدة فى الدنيا مش راضية ولا مش عارفة ترضى ولا لا..عايزانى احط خدى عليكى واعد استنى و يوم مابكى من الضعف متقدريش تمسحى دموع عنيا ولا نفضل نستنى اليوم الى نرضى ونرجع فية..
انا بقى بقولكوا لا والف لا مهما تعبت دلوقتى هرتاح ومهما شلت هقوى ومش هقول لحاجة لا و مش هنسى ولا اسامح ولا اسكت ولا اخضع حتى لو دة حطمنى من جوا و انا مش عايزاها انا هقول الانسان مش من النسيان لو حتى كتبت انا مش هسمح ليكوا تنسوا ذل حد ليكوا ولا هرضى انكوا تنسوا الى فضلت تسمعوها وتشوفوها بتنسى وتسلم وخلوها ادامكوا عشان تعرفوا لو سلمتوا هتبقوا اية..
الجمعة، ٥ يونيو ٢٠٠٩
howa ana feen?
ah eftkrt ana kont mashya kda b3deen 7wdt shmal w b3deeen bayn shmal tany l2 l2 ymen w b3deen .....
off eh el do7'a de y raby ya3ni msh 3eeb wa7da f seny tetoh kda wallahi 3eeb tyb as2al men nw shakly hayb2a zbaaala,,w asln mfesh 7d ma32ola d e7na 7ta el sob7 eh el balad kolha nayma??
ah y rby bs y3dy el mawdo3 da 3la 7'er ana et2a7'art w as7aby haywala3o feya kman kont 3aiza a3ml 7agat f el koleya ..w baba zmano 2l2an w ana tayha kda ,,,
ana momkin lw ert7t showaya a3rf afkar a7san ana shakly b2et 3'bya wala ana kont kda w msh wa7'da baly wala eeh blzabt,bs el byoot hna nice awii kolha mafto7a 3la b3dha heya el balacona de da7'la f el 3omara el osadha wala ana etgnent,,,
w b3deen el gw gamel gedaan w hady el nas hna msh 3ayshen f zamana wala eeh ana bayn w23t f mant2a msh 3la el 7'reta ,
ah wa7ed hnak aho ana momkin as,,,
''hi ezayk?''
''tmam thnx,,momkin bs t,''
''shaklk gdeda hna s7?''
ah bs
wala yhmk cool ya3ni t7by nt3rf
3la eh blzabt?
w kman dmk 7'fef
heya men de
malek??ana shakly dy2tk am sooo sorry bgd sam7eny de a7'er mara ana ha3ml kda ana bs ma27'dtsh baly w ,,,,
eeh da howa eh ely 7asal howa byt2sf 3la eeh w hayfdal y2ol kda kter ana zh2t w galy soda3 ,,,kol da lya w 3shan eeh d ana m3mltsh 7aga wala howa ,,shkly hafdal hna l7d m el wad da y7md and bgd hanfgr
''5las y ,,3ady bgd m7slsh 7aga''
''ya3ni enty msam7any''
''ah gedan''
'tyb..''
l2 ba2a ana hamshy w ely y7sal y7sal ,,,eh da d lsa wa2f yklm nfso d wala eh ana msheet already el wad da msh tbe3y bgd walla ana??howa kol 7aga t2oly enty enty enty 3mlty eh d enty ydobk bs tayha,,maho lw kont mrkza makontsh e7'tsrt el tare2 w 3mlt feha abo el 3oref..
allah w eeh el zar3 da kolo shakl kol 7aga hna gamel w gded ana 7ta msh fakr shakl el donia bara eeh bd2t already ansa ...b2aly kter hna bs nsya kol 7aga ana 7ta msh fakra b2aly hna ad eeh .howa ana 3aiza a7'rog asln wala l2??
hna kol 7aga gmela w bgd 3'er ay 7aga shoftha bs asl de msh doniety,howa ana kda fa2rya w nkdya msh ynf3 agy hna w afdl hnak bs lma a7'rog a7fz el tare2 sahla w 7ta lw fdlt hna akter msh mohm ..
bs ana bada2 baba w mami yw7shoni awi kman as7aby ana kda ha7'srhom lel abad w e7'waty kan mafrod arg3 el beet w anzl m3a mira nw n3ml 7agat..w mai ely kol showaya t3yt de..hafdal hna l emta??w ha7'rog ezay??howa ana asln get hna leeh??howa ana feen
off eh el do7'a de y raby ya3ni msh 3eeb wa7da f seny tetoh kda wallahi 3eeb tyb as2al men nw shakly hayb2a zbaaala,,w asln mfesh 7d ma32ola d e7na 7ta el sob7 eh el balad kolha nayma??
ah y rby bs y3dy el mawdo3 da 3la 7'er ana et2a7'art w as7aby haywala3o feya kman kont 3aiza a3ml 7agat f el koleya ..w baba zmano 2l2an w ana tayha kda ,,,
ana momkin lw ert7t showaya a3rf afkar a7san ana shakly b2et 3'bya wala ana kont kda w msh wa7'da baly wala eeh blzabt,bs el byoot hna nice awii kolha mafto7a 3la b3dha heya el balacona de da7'la f el 3omara el osadha wala ana etgnent,,,
w b3deen el gw gamel gedaan w hady el nas hna msh 3ayshen f zamana wala eeh ana bayn w23t f mant2a msh 3la el 7'reta ,
ah wa7ed hnak aho ana momkin as,,,
''hi ezayk?''
''tmam thnx,,momkin bs t,''
''shaklk gdeda hna s7?''
ah bs
wala yhmk cool ya3ni t7by nt3rf
3la eh blzabt?
w kman dmk 7'fef
heya men de
malek??ana shakly dy2tk am sooo sorry bgd sam7eny de a7'er mara ana ha3ml kda ana bs ma27'dtsh baly w ,,,,
eeh da howa eh ely 7asal howa byt2sf 3la eeh w hayfdal y2ol kda kter ana zh2t w galy soda3 ,,,kol da lya w 3shan eeh d ana m3mltsh 7aga wala howa ,,shkly hafdal hna l7d m el wad da y7md and bgd hanfgr
''5las y ,,3ady bgd m7slsh 7aga''
''ya3ni enty msam7any''
''ah gedan''
'tyb..''
l2 ba2a ana hamshy w ely y7sal y7sal ,,,eh da d lsa wa2f yklm nfso d wala eh ana msheet already el wad da msh tbe3y bgd walla ana??howa kol 7aga t2oly enty enty enty 3mlty eh d enty ydobk bs tayha,,maho lw kont mrkza makontsh e7'tsrt el tare2 w 3mlt feha abo el 3oref..
allah w eeh el zar3 da kolo shakl kol 7aga hna gamel w gded ana 7ta msh fakr shakl el donia bara eeh bd2t already ansa ...b2aly kter hna bs nsya kol 7aga ana 7ta msh fakra b2aly hna ad eeh .howa ana 3aiza a7'rog asln wala l2??
hna kol 7aga gmela w bgd 3'er ay 7aga shoftha bs asl de msh doniety,howa ana kda fa2rya w nkdya msh ynf3 agy hna w afdl hnak bs lma a7'rog a7fz el tare2 sahla w 7ta lw fdlt hna akter msh mohm ..
bs ana bada2 baba w mami yw7shoni awi kman as7aby ana kda ha7'srhom lel abad w e7'waty kan mafrod arg3 el beet w anzl m3a mira nw n3ml 7agat..w mai ely kol showaya t3yt de..hafdal hna l emta??w ha7'rog ezay??howa ana asln get hna leeh??howa ana feen
الأحد، ٢٤ مايو ٢٠٠٩
انت؟؟
انت مين؟؟انت الى لما الدنيا تقسى عليا يكون موجود التفت اتسند علية الى لما ازعل اكون مبسوطة عشان انت مبسوط و لما اكون مبسوطة اازعل انك مش موجود..انت الى لما ارجع من الغابة الى عايشين فيها واقفل كل البواب مسمعش غيرك ومشفش الا انت..انت الى مش اخاف منة اخاف علية وانت الى فهماك من غير متعمل وسمعاك من غير متتكلم والى كل حركة بتقول انك بتعشقنى وانا كل نفس بعد ربنا ليك..انت الى انا مش محتاجة اكون غير انا وانا معاك.
انت الى لمست ايدك تريحنى وهمسك يطمنى وعلى صوتك انام .انام من غير مفكر هعمل اية ولا اية هيحصل ولا حتى لية اغمض عينى وانام وتبقى اول مرة انام وانا مش خايفة..انا عايزة احبك من غير محس انى حبى ليك حمل ..عايزة اتكلم من غير مفكر عايزة كل م كون عايزة اقول حاجة اقولها ..عايزة احضنك وقت م انا عايزة و لما تتعب اكون انا راحتك ولما تبكى يبقى بين ايدى مش عايزة اكون غير ليك وانت متكنش غير ليا..عايزة نحلم مع بعض ونرسم لمستقبل احلى بوجودنا فية مش عايزة اقول حصلى اية عايزة افكر معاك لبعدين مش زمان بس عيزاك تعرف انى مفرحتش غير معاك ودة ميقليلنيش فعنيك
انت الى هكبر معاة خطوة بخطوة وياة و لاخر عمرى عيزاة ولما ابصلك ابتسم مش عايزة يجى الوقت الى نزهق فية من بعض و اننا نخسر بعض ونبقى امر مسلم ..انت الى من الدنيا انا مستنياة وبتمناة وبحلم بية يمكن اتوة و مصدقش فى الاول لكن هستسلم ليك..
انت الى لمست ايدك تريحنى وهمسك يطمنى وعلى صوتك انام .انام من غير مفكر هعمل اية ولا اية هيحصل ولا حتى لية اغمض عينى وانام وتبقى اول مرة انام وانا مش خايفة..انا عايزة احبك من غير محس انى حبى ليك حمل ..عايزة اتكلم من غير مفكر عايزة كل م كون عايزة اقول حاجة اقولها ..عايزة احضنك وقت م انا عايزة و لما تتعب اكون انا راحتك ولما تبكى يبقى بين ايدى مش عايزة اكون غير ليك وانت متكنش غير ليا..عايزة نحلم مع بعض ونرسم لمستقبل احلى بوجودنا فية مش عايزة اقول حصلى اية عايزة افكر معاك لبعدين مش زمان بس عيزاك تعرف انى مفرحتش غير معاك ودة ميقليلنيش فعنيك
انت الى هكبر معاة خطوة بخطوة وياة و لاخر عمرى عيزاة ولما ابصلك ابتسم مش عايزة يجى الوقت الى نزهق فية من بعض و اننا نخسر بعض ونبقى امر مسلم ..انت الى من الدنيا انا مستنياة وبتمناة وبحلم بية يمكن اتوة و مصدقش فى الاول لكن هستسلم ليك..
مش عايزاها
انا مش عايزاها الدنيا الى كلها حزن وهم ومشاكل وضغوط دى انا مش عايزاها.الدنيا الى الابتسامة فيها بقت محسوبة دى انا مش عيزاها والدنيا الى بتديك من اليمين وتاخد من الشمال و الدنيا الى دمعتك فيها فى كل وقت دى انا رفضاها .الدنيا الى لما عجوز يبكى ميتسمعش صوتة دى انا رفضاها ولما شاب يصرخ يكتموا حتى همسة دى انا لعناها والمريض لما يقول اة يبقى حمل دى دنيا انا مستغرباها..
لما تكرة تنزل الشارع عشان مش ناقص ضغط والدنيا مبهدلاك جوة وبرة وضغوط من كل اتجاة زى متكون فى خلاط دى ملعونها و الناس الى ماشية جبروت الفلوس عماها وفكرينى انهم اسيادها ونسيوا رب فوقهم اذا شاء خسف بيهم دول انا كارهاهم..
وشوف يا اخى ظلم الانسان ودمار النفوسو صغر النفوس لما يفترى الواحد على اقرب ما لية احب الناس الية ويفتكر انة كدة قادر وانة كدة عايز وانة كدة مبسوط وان دة هو المطلوب..طب نامن لمين فيكى بعد كدة؟؟ماشيين نقول يا رب وهو دة المطلوب ربنا غافر الذنوب يقول للشىء كن فيكون..
انا مش عايزاها ورهباها ..انا فيها لوحدى وقلقانة.وسمعاها صوت الالم فى كل مكان وسمعاة صوت الدم مالى المكان وشيفاة ..و خايفة اقول انى خايفة اصل تستضعفنى الدنيا و تفتكر انها قدرت عليا .ولسة مش عارفة انا مين انا من الى يقفوا حنب الخير ولا الى بيقولوا مفيش خير فى الدنيا انا جنب الى الصمود ولا ماشية مع التيار هو انا مين وفين وبعمل اية والناس دى بتعمل اية وعايزة اية ولية؟هو انا كنت ماشية يمين ولا شمال طالعة ولا نازلة؟والناس دى صوتها عالى لية وبيقولوا اية ...هو بس انا فين ؟؟
لما تكرة تنزل الشارع عشان مش ناقص ضغط والدنيا مبهدلاك جوة وبرة وضغوط من كل اتجاة زى متكون فى خلاط دى ملعونها و الناس الى ماشية جبروت الفلوس عماها وفكرينى انهم اسيادها ونسيوا رب فوقهم اذا شاء خسف بيهم دول انا كارهاهم..
وشوف يا اخى ظلم الانسان ودمار النفوسو صغر النفوس لما يفترى الواحد على اقرب ما لية احب الناس الية ويفتكر انة كدة قادر وانة كدة عايز وانة كدة مبسوط وان دة هو المطلوب..طب نامن لمين فيكى بعد كدة؟؟ماشيين نقول يا رب وهو دة المطلوب ربنا غافر الذنوب يقول للشىء كن فيكون..
انا مش عايزاها ورهباها ..انا فيها لوحدى وقلقانة.وسمعاها صوت الالم فى كل مكان وسمعاة صوت الدم مالى المكان وشيفاة ..و خايفة اقول انى خايفة اصل تستضعفنى الدنيا و تفتكر انها قدرت عليا .ولسة مش عارفة انا مين انا من الى يقفوا حنب الخير ولا الى بيقولوا مفيش خير فى الدنيا انا جنب الى الصمود ولا ماشية مع التيار هو انا مين وفين وبعمل اية والناس دى بتعمل اية وعايزة اية ولية؟هو انا كنت ماشية يمين ولا شمال طالعة ولا نازلة؟والناس دى صوتها عالى لية وبيقولوا اية ...هو بس انا فين ؟؟
الخميس، ٢١ مايو ٢٠٠٩
بنتين
مادا دى بنت الجيران شباكى ادام شباكها فى حارة صغيرة قد كدة..لكن الفرق م بنا كبييييير ,مادا دى بنت الحتة كلها كلنا بنموت فيها بس هى ولا كلمة ولا ابتسامة فى دنيا تانية اوقات ابصلها واقول بس انتى فين وسايبانا احنا فى الدنيا دى هنا؟دايما معاها عروستها وزى متلبس العروسة تلبس من غير كلام كدة دى اوامر من عيون الست مادا..
بشوفها واصبح عليها كل يوم وبشوف مامتها وهى بتصحيها و الدنيا كلها بتفتح عنيها معاها ولما تمشى مامتها تقولى نفسى بس فى صباح الخير..منعرفش اية غلط بيقولوا انة توحد ودكاترة تقول ان حالة وهتعدى واهو كلوا بيفتى..وتبص لبنت 5 سنين مش عايزة الدنيا الى بيعانى فيها رجالة فى سن 40 واختارت تعيش كدة ..
و صحيح متر فرق لكن انا فى دنيا وهى ف دنيا اوقات كنت اسرح واقول انا كمان عايزة ابقى هناك معاها واشوفها وهى حضنا عروستها واقول عدى سنى ومحضنتش فية حبايبى وفى يوم وليلة كبرت و سمعت خناقات عن المصروف وعن الوحدة وعن البعد والالم وشفت ام بتبكى طول الليل مستنياة الفرج من ربنا واب بعيد وعايز يفضل صح .عدى عمرى من غير معيش سنى واذا اتكلمت دلوقتى تبقى السخافة فى عقل بنت فى سن العشرين...
همس دى بنت الجيران شباكى ادام شباكها فى حارة صغيرة قد كدة..لكن هى غير جميلة وكبيرة كل الناس بتحبها بتتكلم وتضحك ودايما بتتحرك عندها اصحاب كتيير بيزروها كلهم بيحبوها وبتخرج وتيجى لوحدها والى عايزاة بتعملوا م دى حياة الست همس..
بشوفها كل يوم ومش بعرف ارد عليها وهى بتصبح ضحكتها جميلة منورة الدنيا بس بشوفها زعلانة اوقات واحس انها وحيدة فى دنيا واسعة كبيرة والناس فى كل مكان.وتبص ابنت 20 سنة مش عارفة هى عايزة اية فى دنيا ولد فى سن 10 سنين عارف هو عايز اية؟؟
وصحيح متر فرق لكن انا فى دنيا وهى فى دنيا اوقات مش انام واقول انا عايزة ابقى فى دنيتها وابقى كبيرة ومسئولة واصحابى معاياواقول عمرى مهيجى وقتى وانا هنا فى اوضتى حاضنة على طول عروستى ومش عارفة اتكلم واقول واشوف امى بتيكى وابويا دايما بيشكى وعيونهم بتتراجانا واسمع خناقات كتير وانا فى بيت مش سعيد يمكن انا السبب فية واذا اتكلمت دلوقتى يبقى الجنون فى عقل بنت فى سن الخمس سنين
بشوفها واصبح عليها كل يوم وبشوف مامتها وهى بتصحيها و الدنيا كلها بتفتح عنيها معاها ولما تمشى مامتها تقولى نفسى بس فى صباح الخير..منعرفش اية غلط بيقولوا انة توحد ودكاترة تقول ان حالة وهتعدى واهو كلوا بيفتى..وتبص لبنت 5 سنين مش عايزة الدنيا الى بيعانى فيها رجالة فى سن 40 واختارت تعيش كدة ..
و صحيح متر فرق لكن انا فى دنيا وهى ف دنيا اوقات كنت اسرح واقول انا كمان عايزة ابقى هناك معاها واشوفها وهى حضنا عروستها واقول عدى سنى ومحضنتش فية حبايبى وفى يوم وليلة كبرت و سمعت خناقات عن المصروف وعن الوحدة وعن البعد والالم وشفت ام بتبكى طول الليل مستنياة الفرج من ربنا واب بعيد وعايز يفضل صح .عدى عمرى من غير معيش سنى واذا اتكلمت دلوقتى تبقى السخافة فى عقل بنت فى سن العشرين...
همس دى بنت الجيران شباكى ادام شباكها فى حارة صغيرة قد كدة..لكن هى غير جميلة وكبيرة كل الناس بتحبها بتتكلم وتضحك ودايما بتتحرك عندها اصحاب كتيير بيزروها كلهم بيحبوها وبتخرج وتيجى لوحدها والى عايزاة بتعملوا م دى حياة الست همس..
بشوفها كل يوم ومش بعرف ارد عليها وهى بتصبح ضحكتها جميلة منورة الدنيا بس بشوفها زعلانة اوقات واحس انها وحيدة فى دنيا واسعة كبيرة والناس فى كل مكان.وتبص ابنت 20 سنة مش عارفة هى عايزة اية فى دنيا ولد فى سن 10 سنين عارف هو عايز اية؟؟
وصحيح متر فرق لكن انا فى دنيا وهى فى دنيا اوقات مش انام واقول انا عايزة ابقى فى دنيتها وابقى كبيرة ومسئولة واصحابى معاياواقول عمرى مهيجى وقتى وانا هنا فى اوضتى حاضنة على طول عروستى ومش عارفة اتكلم واقول واشوف امى بتيكى وابويا دايما بيشكى وعيونهم بتتراجانا واسمع خناقات كتير وانا فى بيت مش سعيد يمكن انا السبب فية واذا اتكلمت دلوقتى يبقى الجنون فى عقل بنت فى سن الخمس سنين
الثلاثاء، ١٩ مايو ٢٠٠٩
انا مش انا
انا مش انا..يعنى مش زى م كنت عايزة اكون وانا عندى 20 سنة ومش زى م كنت عايزة ابقى احلامى امبارح مش هى بتاعت انهاردة ولا افكارى يمكن مش بتحسن يمكن مش بتقدم واحتمال اكون بتاخر بس انا مش انا..
متسالونيش امبارح احسن ولا انهاردة عشان امبارح وانهاردة عندى واحد اة احداث مختلفة وناس وحاجات جديدة لكن انا لسة حزينة زى م كنت امبارح صح اتغيرت وصح بعدت عن امبارح كتير لكن الاحساس هو هو مع اختلاف الاحداث..
انا عايزة اكون غير عايزة لما افرح مخفش ولما اخاف مقلقش ولما احزن اتعلم ولما اسكت جوايا يتكلم ولما اتكلم اقول الى انا عايزاة انا مش عايزة اندم على يوم جى تانى فى حياتى وعايزة اصالح الماضى ولما ابص لامبارح ابتسم مش لازم تكون كل حاجة صح لكن لازم اكون انا راضية
انا مش كاملة وعمرى مهوصل ااكمال لكن انا بحاول وبفشل فشل ذريع والنيجة هى العكس تماما انى بخسر الكويس الى جوايا دلوقتى..وارجع اقول انا مش انا ومش عارفة امتى هاكون انا
متسالونيش امبارح احسن ولا انهاردة عشان امبارح وانهاردة عندى واحد اة احداث مختلفة وناس وحاجات جديدة لكن انا لسة حزينة زى م كنت امبارح صح اتغيرت وصح بعدت عن امبارح كتير لكن الاحساس هو هو مع اختلاف الاحداث..
انا عايزة اكون غير عايزة لما افرح مخفش ولما اخاف مقلقش ولما احزن اتعلم ولما اسكت جوايا يتكلم ولما اتكلم اقول الى انا عايزاة انا مش عايزة اندم على يوم جى تانى فى حياتى وعايزة اصالح الماضى ولما ابص لامبارح ابتسم مش لازم تكون كل حاجة صح لكن لازم اكون انا راضية
انا مش كاملة وعمرى مهوصل ااكمال لكن انا بحاول وبفشل فشل ذريع والنيجة هى العكس تماما انى بخسر الكويس الى جوايا دلوقتى..وارجع اقول انا مش انا ومش عارفة امتى هاكون انا
الاثنين، ٤ مايو ٢٠٠٩
MY BED IS MY SWEETHEART
every time i went to bed is like am goin to my beloved one i need it so much i lay down eiz smile on my face and hold it nicely ,close my eyes and enjoy bein rested and calm .
its dark and i dont wanna open my eyes i wanna feel the warmest and enjoy it.
after all i can say ''i love u my bed''
its dark and i dont wanna open my eyes i wanna feel the warmest and enjoy it.
after all i can say ''i love u my bed''
الثلاثاء، ٢١ أبريل ٢٠٠٩
THE SOLUTION
ppl go through live wiz different emotions in one street u can find num. of ppl which are so difrerent in da emotion they feel in the same moment and the same place .
all ppl get hurt or cozing it and all ppl expect that sad emotion or waitin for it ...but i swear some times i wish that some things should get vanished from the world and we all can agree like war ,,and stuff like that.
its said that unless there is heat we wont feel love and so on ,,so is it mean in order to get red of war we sayin good bye for peace to?but then wt we dont need peace if there is nt war,,but wt about the inner self war the one we have inside us ??they will be gone too i guess and so on wiz all wt we need to avoid
but happy ppl may say no as the sad one will agree and that will lead to conflict about if we are goin to apply the idea or not and in the end we will find ourselves saying goodbye 4 the idea in order to solve this conflict ..huh live can be funny after all
but if we all agreed and we start to apply the idea we will loss so many bad emotions wiz it the good ones to at the end we willavoid death by loosing live ...and all the meaning of it ,,i guess after all it was abad idea.
then wt shall i do when that bad emotion consume me and eatin me inside in ,,and my tears wont stop 4 long and that heart ache the one i cant stand ?wt should i do it seems like it wont end then dont ask me to have hope for asmile later i wanna asolution nw and i found that there is no solution its live then live through ur tears enjoy the moments of sadness u have so u could taste the happeness in adifferent way this time ...
all ppl get hurt or cozing it and all ppl expect that sad emotion or waitin for it ...but i swear some times i wish that some things should get vanished from the world and we all can agree like war ,,and stuff like that.
its said that unless there is heat we wont feel love and so on ,,so is it mean in order to get red of war we sayin good bye for peace to?but then wt we dont need peace if there is nt war,,but wt about the inner self war the one we have inside us ??they will be gone too i guess and so on wiz all wt we need to avoid
but happy ppl may say no as the sad one will agree and that will lead to conflict about if we are goin to apply the idea or not and in the end we will find ourselves saying goodbye 4 the idea in order to solve this conflict ..huh live can be funny after all
but if we all agreed and we start to apply the idea we will loss so many bad emotions wiz it the good ones to at the end we willavoid death by loosing live ...and all the meaning of it ,,i guess after all it was abad idea.
then wt shall i do when that bad emotion consume me and eatin me inside in ,,and my tears wont stop 4 long and that heart ache the one i cant stand ?wt should i do it seems like it wont end then dont ask me to have hope for asmile later i wanna asolution nw and i found that there is no solution its live then live through ur tears enjoy the moments of sadness u have so u could taste the happeness in adifferent way this time ...
الأحد، ٢٩ مارس ٢٠٠٩
IDEAS
lookin to my steps in the street i felt isolated from the other world .i can hear ppl talk ,walk ,smile and run but in some way i managed to find myself away even when am there.every thing in me move like in slow motion i even think slow the step am talkin in second seems like going on for awhile now .
i know that am not ok something wrong wiz me is going on eatin wiz no desire and breathin wiz adeep sound i start lookin around and found evrything else was goin ok so what is wrong with me??and when my friend tell joke and i started to smile i didnt feel it either i can get that my lips r moving but i cant feel it the sounds seems so far although its right besid me .i didnt want to pay and attention to what was goin on wiz me so i kept thinkin about it only in my mind and as it seems like i was thinkin so loud i tried to think in silence but every time the sound get louder and i can't control it .i started to look around tryin to figure out if the ppl around me is gettin my ideas but it seems like they r not ..
oh..i cant stop it nw it has been week and the situation is getting worth nw every thing i see i must think about it no matter how small it is my thoughts seems to control me i cant stop my mind from workin and it looks like it has stooped everything else around me just so he could only work the fast as he want,,what an evil mind the one i got..
its hell on earth ,,it will never stop.wt will i do it took me 3 min to just blink nw i feel like am not movin at all ..every time am trying to resist this situation and get it normal i loose my fight and get more involved .nw its like am dead body with active brain one tear stood in my eyes for about 10 min. just to start her journey down it took 15 min to reach my check and my hand i didnt even try to move it no use..no use
as i didnt do anything else but thinkin against my well i start to listen to my ideas and i heared myself saying
nw i got ur attention ha??
i couldnt believe it i said ''wt?
i answered
yea,,wt?this is all wt u r going to say ?
i cant say anything else coz i cant get it
and u have never get it and doubt that u would
wt r u talkin about??
am talkin about u?
me !!!am i crazy me is u and u is me ur r my ideas we r one
i dont think so...we r 2 and u always ignored me
i didnt
yes u did
i didnt !!!!
yes u did
i...
oh shut up..u r even ling to urself if we r one u wouldnt do that..
...........
yes..u had me and u didnt do anything about it didnt move in the way we draw it and planned it .i watched u going every way but the right one.i guessed u would wake up but it has been so many years ...where r u going ??
i dont know
then why r u keep movin
i was afraid if i stopped i wont move no more,,so i kept movin every where till i find it
it was there u r the one who choose anther pass and no matter wt i say u didnt care
i didnt notice
no u didnt care
wt am going to do..am tired
i dont know u r on ur own nw
but..
no but am tired too am tired of u
wt?how come my ideas get tired of me??u r mine
i was yours but u lost the way to me and i wont show u the way back..iam done wiz u all wt u r going to do is ignore me again and it will start all over but the next time i wont be that strong .iam gettin weaker and weaker every day u neglect me.
oh,,
yea am dying ...u r killing me
but..but..i have nothing to do
doesnt matter .wt did u do when u had something to do??nothing too
oh god...i cant loose u wt am going to do nw?iam sorry ..iam sorry ,tell me wt am going to do
and i can hear the sound getting fad and i start to move little by little but i didnt wanna let go i kept saying ''wt am going to do ?wt am going to do??''
and i heared it so far away asound so weak wiz words not so clear at the same moment i got my motion and i can move i heared it say
'''make me true..dont let me go'''
i know that am not ok something wrong wiz me is going on eatin wiz no desire and breathin wiz adeep sound i start lookin around and found evrything else was goin ok so what is wrong with me??and when my friend tell joke and i started to smile i didnt feel it either i can get that my lips r moving but i cant feel it the sounds seems so far although its right besid me .i didnt want to pay and attention to what was goin on wiz me so i kept thinkin about it only in my mind and as it seems like i was thinkin so loud i tried to think in silence but every time the sound get louder and i can't control it .i started to look around tryin to figure out if the ppl around me is gettin my ideas but it seems like they r not ..
oh..i cant stop it nw it has been week and the situation is getting worth nw every thing i see i must think about it no matter how small it is my thoughts seems to control me i cant stop my mind from workin and it looks like it has stooped everything else around me just so he could only work the fast as he want,,what an evil mind the one i got..
its hell on earth ,,it will never stop.wt will i do it took me 3 min to just blink nw i feel like am not movin at all ..every time am trying to resist this situation and get it normal i loose my fight and get more involved .nw its like am dead body with active brain one tear stood in my eyes for about 10 min. just to start her journey down it took 15 min to reach my check and my hand i didnt even try to move it no use..no use
as i didnt do anything else but thinkin against my well i start to listen to my ideas and i heared myself saying
nw i got ur attention ha??
i couldnt believe it i said ''wt?
i answered
yea,,wt?this is all wt u r going to say ?
i cant say anything else coz i cant get it
and u have never get it and doubt that u would
wt r u talkin about??
am talkin about u?
me !!!am i crazy me is u and u is me ur r my ideas we r one
i dont think so...we r 2 and u always ignored me
i didnt
yes u did
i didnt !!!!
yes u did
i...
oh shut up..u r even ling to urself if we r one u wouldnt do that..
...........
yes..u had me and u didnt do anything about it didnt move in the way we draw it and planned it .i watched u going every way but the right one.i guessed u would wake up but it has been so many years ...where r u going ??
i dont know
then why r u keep movin
i was afraid if i stopped i wont move no more,,so i kept movin every where till i find it
it was there u r the one who choose anther pass and no matter wt i say u didnt care
i didnt notice
no u didnt care
wt am going to do..am tired
i dont know u r on ur own nw
but..
no but am tired too am tired of u
wt?how come my ideas get tired of me??u r mine
i was yours but u lost the way to me and i wont show u the way back..iam done wiz u all wt u r going to do is ignore me again and it will start all over but the next time i wont be that strong .iam gettin weaker and weaker every day u neglect me.
oh,,
yea am dying ...u r killing me
but..but..i have nothing to do
doesnt matter .wt did u do when u had something to do??nothing too
oh god...i cant loose u wt am going to do nw?iam sorry ..iam sorry ,tell me wt am going to do
and i can hear the sound getting fad and i start to move little by little but i didnt wanna let go i kept saying ''wt am going to do ?wt am going to do??''
and i heared it so far away asound so weak wiz words not so clear at the same moment i got my motion and i can move i heared it say
'''make me true..dont let me go'''
الأحد، ١٥ مارس ٢٠٠٩
الحقيقة ام السراب
جلست وقد اسقطت كل ما لديها من دفاعات وازالت وجة المراة القوية واطلقت افكارها السجينة فى بحر احزانها الجديد ورات بيتها تشتعل بة نيران وهى جالسة لا تتحرك تاركة كل امالها واحلامها بعيدة।جلست بردائها الاسود الصغير تتحامل على الماضى ولا ترى اى مستقبل وحاضرها بنحصر فى وجودها الان فى غرفة صغيرة ولم تستطع التحرك لمجال اوسعولم تهتم لذلك।
دخل ولم تسمع تحركاتة واحست بوجودة يهدد هدوئها ويسحق روحها واحيانا لم تشتطع اخد انفاسها وسمعتة يخاطبها من الغرفة الاخرى يكلمها فلم تسمع يناديها فلم نجيبوطل بهيئتة يرى ما يحدث فتلاقت عيناهما وبعد صمت ادركت انة يتساؤل مابها وان كانت ادركت انة حطم احلامها وامالها سحق ماضيها واظلم مستقبلها؟ان كانت ادركت انة جرح فؤادها والم وجدانها؟وعندما لم يؤتة الجواب من سفاهها فقد تكلمت روحها من اين ومتى؟كيف ومن انا؟
هل انا من احببت وعشقت واردت ومازلت تريد؟هل انا بر شواطئك ودنياك وحاضرك؟هل انا امانك ووجودك؟ام انى مجرد حالة وامر يوجد وسلم بة؟ام انا من تخطيت بة الامك وضعفك فى فترة وانت تنتظر الوصول بامان لشواطئها هى الاخرى ام الاخرى؟؟هل حب حياتها الوحيد لم يكن حقيقى ؟هل كل لحظة حلوة تحمل لها الان فى طياتها الم وكذب بانها مجرد خيال وان الواقع يفرض نكران .هل ليالى سهرها واحلامها وتمنيها بوجودك جنبها قد ضاعت على رجل كان فى ذات الوقت يحلم بغيرها او لم يحلم بها؟
وقفت مهب نظراتة التى لم تجد فيها اجوبتها تتسائل هل هى غلطة قد اسامحك عليها ام انها واقع ولا يوجد مكان لى ولا كان .هل هى نزوة يمحى الزمن اثارها ام هى من الثوابت بدونها تختل دنياة ويتوة فى خطاة ولا ترى عيناة ولا وجود لكيانة ودنياة؟وظلت على حالها معاة تتسائل هل انا الحقيقة ام السراب؟
انا عاااااااايش
انت عايش؟سؤال بس مش اجابتة سهلة اصل انا مش قصدى انك بتتنفس او انك بتصحى كل يوم و انت مش عايز او انك بتاكل وانت مش حاسس.لا انا قصدى انت حاسس انك فى معجزة كونك بتصحى كل يوم وان كل يوم زيادة بالنسبة ليك فرصة جديدة مش مجرد يوم بتتمنى انة بالطول او بالعرض يعدى ولا مجرد كلمة وانا هعمل اية يعنى او انك عملت الى تقدر علية.
طول م انت لسة حاسس انك مش مبسوط مش حاسس بالنعمة ومش حاسس انك عايز حاجة وبتعمل عشان توصلها طول م انت مستسلم لواقع فاكر انة اتفرض عليك من الناس وهو حقيقة اتفرض عليك من نفسك يبقى انت لسة مش عايش..
ممكن تغير كل حاجة انت مش عايزها بحاجة انت عايزها او ممكن تبدا تخلى الحاجة الى انت مش عايزها تعوزها..بس بانك تبصلها بطريقة جديدة غير الطريقة الى انت بتشوفها بيها حالا..ممكن تصحى كل يوم مش عايز تنزل كليتك او شغلك بس بردة ممكن تصحى وانت بتقول انهاردة يوم جميل ولو مش جميل انا بقى هخلية جميل..ممكن تكون كارة حاجة انت بتعملها حالا ومش قادر تغيرها لكن ممكن تبتسم وتبدا تفكر فى حاجة جميلة او توعد نفسك بحاجة جميلة لما تخلص..فكر كدة انك قاعد مش طايق شغلك وانك هتروح انهاردة تعمل حاجة بتحبها مهما كانت انت اكتر حد عارف انت بتحب اية واية بيبسطك يبقى بتبخل لية على نفسك؟انت مش شايف انك تستاهل تكون مبسوط وانك تبدا تغير رايك بان مبسوط وعايش وجهان لعملة واحدة..وانك متستسلمش هو الى هيخليك توصل للعملة دى.
صح مش طول الوقت هتقدر تعمل كدة ومش طول الوقت هتكون مبسوط وفرحان ومش على طول هتبقى مرتاح لكن خلية اقل حاجة يعنى مرو فى السنة كدة"كنوع من التغير يا سيدى"انت ممكن تزعل ربع ساعة وممكن تختار انك تزعل اسبوع وفكر اية الاختلاف هتلاقى انك لو دخلت فى دوامة الحزن هتوة وصعب انك تخرج وانك هتضيع اسبوع كان ممكن فية تعمل حاجات كتير وانت مرتاح وتقابل ناس جديدة ومين عارف كان ممكن فى الاسبوع دة تضحك جااامد لحد متدمع من الفرحة مع ناس جميلة بدل م انت اخترت تدمع من الحزن ولوحدك..
اختار حالا انك تكون كدة ونفذ فى اسرع وقت متستناس متضيعش وقت تانى كفاية متتفرجش على الدنيا من برة وتفضل تخطط تدخلها ازاى ادخل وبعدين فكر هتعيشها ازاى متخافش من التغيير مادام حاسس بية تقبلة .عشان لما اسالك بعد كدة انت عايش تقولى يا بنتى "انا عااااااااااااااااااااايش"وهبقى مصدقاك متحلفش
طول م انت لسة حاسس انك مش مبسوط مش حاسس بالنعمة ومش حاسس انك عايز حاجة وبتعمل عشان توصلها طول م انت مستسلم لواقع فاكر انة اتفرض عليك من الناس وهو حقيقة اتفرض عليك من نفسك يبقى انت لسة مش عايش..
ممكن تغير كل حاجة انت مش عايزها بحاجة انت عايزها او ممكن تبدا تخلى الحاجة الى انت مش عايزها تعوزها..بس بانك تبصلها بطريقة جديدة غير الطريقة الى انت بتشوفها بيها حالا..ممكن تصحى كل يوم مش عايز تنزل كليتك او شغلك بس بردة ممكن تصحى وانت بتقول انهاردة يوم جميل ولو مش جميل انا بقى هخلية جميل..ممكن تكون كارة حاجة انت بتعملها حالا ومش قادر تغيرها لكن ممكن تبتسم وتبدا تفكر فى حاجة جميلة او توعد نفسك بحاجة جميلة لما تخلص..فكر كدة انك قاعد مش طايق شغلك وانك هتروح انهاردة تعمل حاجة بتحبها مهما كانت انت اكتر حد عارف انت بتحب اية واية بيبسطك يبقى بتبخل لية على نفسك؟انت مش شايف انك تستاهل تكون مبسوط وانك تبدا تغير رايك بان مبسوط وعايش وجهان لعملة واحدة..وانك متستسلمش هو الى هيخليك توصل للعملة دى.
صح مش طول الوقت هتقدر تعمل كدة ومش طول الوقت هتكون مبسوط وفرحان ومش على طول هتبقى مرتاح لكن خلية اقل حاجة يعنى مرو فى السنة كدة"كنوع من التغير يا سيدى"انت ممكن تزعل ربع ساعة وممكن تختار انك تزعل اسبوع وفكر اية الاختلاف هتلاقى انك لو دخلت فى دوامة الحزن هتوة وصعب انك تخرج وانك هتضيع اسبوع كان ممكن فية تعمل حاجات كتير وانت مرتاح وتقابل ناس جديدة ومين عارف كان ممكن فى الاسبوع دة تضحك جااامد لحد متدمع من الفرحة مع ناس جميلة بدل م انت اخترت تدمع من الحزن ولوحدك..
اختار حالا انك تكون كدة ونفذ فى اسرع وقت متستناس متضيعش وقت تانى كفاية متتفرجش على الدنيا من برة وتفضل تخطط تدخلها ازاى ادخل وبعدين فكر هتعيشها ازاى متخافش من التغيير مادام حاسس بية تقبلة .عشان لما اسالك بعد كدة انت عايش تقولى يا بنتى "انا عااااااااااااااااااااايش"وهبقى مصدقاك متحلفش
الجمعة، ١٣ مارس ٢٠٠٩
WAITING
as the days pass i have hold that specific thought in my head and thope in my life i wont be makin abig deal if i said that this dream have made me the person am and i keep waitin........hat i used to dress as well as i could and do my best to be the best i can in every way . wiz flowers in my hands and my red dress ppl used to pass me lookin and smilin at this little girl i was and i stood waitin for my dream i make it all great so when it came it would be the day of my life after all thats wt i lived and survived for and i keep waitin....................
years has gone nw and the little girl has grown up wiz the same dream in her head couldnt let go of it coz it would mean that she would let go of wt made her the person she is so she kept dreamin and waitin but ppl nw when they passes by doesnt smile no more but they have that look that look that kills somethin in me day by day they wont get me and i wont let go and so i keep waitin...................
i had my choice ti live in a dream may come true than face the fact that it may never came coz i can make excuses for u bein late but wt should i do if u didnt came at all??wt would it be like for me iam holdin my hand nw 2geather prayin for god that may dream would came true some day and i have faith so i keep waitin..................
i dont wanna ppl sayin we told u so coz they keep sayin that nw that u wont came and that my dream doesnt wanna be my dream and i have hept waitin and dearmin of illusion and in my heart i know that is true but i cant help feelin pain every time u let me down,so i kept it asecret but i keep waitin.............
i know that i was raised on that dream and that i didnt let go of it and that i have had my heart broken so many times and cant kelp feelin that the reason is may be ma but i hope my dream would wake up befor it too late and discover that i had it all just to make everythin is great and i dont care about the tears and the pain coz in away i have choosen them i dont care about the past and the present i just hope that future would be better and i dont care about bein late just be here i wishh that my dream come true someday some how befor its too late and i keep waitin.................
years has gone nw and the little girl has grown up wiz the same dream in her head couldnt let go of it coz it would mean that she would let go of wt made her the person she is so she kept dreamin and waitin but ppl nw when they passes by doesnt smile no more but they have that look that look that kills somethin in me day by day they wont get me and i wont let go and so i keep waitin...................
i had my choice ti live in a dream may come true than face the fact that it may never came coz i can make excuses for u bein late but wt should i do if u didnt came at all??wt would it be like for me iam holdin my hand nw 2geather prayin for god that may dream would came true some day and i have faith so i keep waitin..................
i dont wanna ppl sayin we told u so coz they keep sayin that nw that u wont came and that my dream doesnt wanna be my dream and i have hept waitin and dearmin of illusion and in my heart i know that is true but i cant help feelin pain every time u let me down,so i kept it asecret but i keep waitin.............
i know that i was raised on that dream and that i didnt let go of it and that i have had my heart broken so many times and cant kelp feelin that the reason is may be ma but i hope my dream would wake up befor it too late and discover that i had it all just to make everythin is great and i dont care about the tears and the pain coz in away i have choosen them i dont care about the past and the present i just hope that future would be better and i dont care about bein late just be here i wishh that my dream come true someday some how befor its too late and i keep waitin.................
الثلاثاء، ١٠ مارس ٢٠٠٩
I BELIEVE
luv is agame we all play it writher we like it or not and we all have been hurt in the name of it some way or onther and even all the ppl who have tried it warned us about it but who havent are do eagre to get in the game as soon as possible ..
i can understand why ppl do that so many reasons to do it and so many reasons to dont do it too thats afact am one of thoes who still waitin the time to come so she would enter the game feel luv and to be luved ...
talkin about myself sometimes i envey ppl i see in luv i know that am not seein the whole truth and maybe they arent doin ok but i keep the thought that if they werent doing ok it still ok coz they are not doin ok 2gether and thats much better than not doin ok alone,,got it??
yea i luv to keep my thoughts about luv so alive coz i know someday i will let go of it so i wanna enjoy it as much as i can so i wont blam myself oneday that i didnt try or i put myself into this situation by not believin or lettin go wiz out tryin my best ,i just wanna blame someother person but me my friends coz me is tired from takin all the blam for everythin that happened or didnt happed ..
and i do believe in first things like first luv first look first smile first word first thought and so
on....first night keep thinkin ,first i luv u missed u
i have my own believe that every one have someone complete him and every one have something deserve to be loved about it and its ablessin no one should be kept away from it
they r talkin about luv and feelin safe when u r in luv alwayes smile and never know why,sometimes i think am crazy and thats not how its goin to work ??like i know that when am in luv wiz some one then when i see him my heart might stop beating and i wont know wt to say or it will appear wt iam trin to hide.
is it that beautiful as i think my friends even in hte first ??will i ever feel that way even for alittle time??coz i dont mind as i will luv forever that i promise no matter wt happen i will alwayes think of the smiles and will never let go coz i luved i will never say goodbye to the one who luved me back once and no matter wt iam sure we will bass i dont know how but i promise i will try thats wt luv is all about i think??no matter wt i feel about u nw and maybe i dont like wt am in to
i will hold my peaceAND MY QUESTION IS?WILL IT EVER HAPPEN I PRAY TO GOD THAT HE GAVE ME THE PERSON WHO WILL NEVER STOP LUVIN ME NO MATTER WT ANDTO KEEP FAITH IN OUR HEARTS AND BELIEVE IN OUR EYES TO GET THROUGH LIVE 2GETHEAR NO MATTER WT HAPPEN WE CAN FIND THE SMILE IN EVERY LITTLE THING WE SEE,,,,AMEEN
i can understand why ppl do that so many reasons to do it and so many reasons to dont do it too thats afact am one of thoes who still waitin the time to come so she would enter the game feel luv and to be luved ...
talkin about myself sometimes i envey ppl i see in luv i know that am not seein the whole truth and maybe they arent doin ok but i keep the thought that if they werent doing ok it still ok coz they are not doin ok 2gether and thats much better than not doin ok alone,,got it??
yea i luv to keep my thoughts about luv so alive coz i know someday i will let go of it so i wanna enjoy it as much as i can so i wont blam myself oneday that i didnt try or i put myself into this situation by not believin or lettin go wiz out tryin my best ,i just wanna blame someother person but me my friends coz me is tired from takin all the blam for everythin that happened or didnt happed ..
and i do believe in first things like first luv first look first smile first word first thought and so
on....first night keep thinkin ,first i luv u missed u
i have my own believe that every one have someone complete him and every one have something deserve to be loved about it and its ablessin no one should be kept away from it
they r talkin about luv and feelin safe when u r in luv alwayes smile and never know why,sometimes i think am crazy and thats not how its goin to work ??like i know that when am in luv wiz some one then when i see him my heart might stop beating and i wont know wt to say or it will appear wt iam trin to hide.
is it that beautiful as i think my friends even in hte first ??will i ever feel that way even for alittle time??coz i dont mind as i will luv forever that i promise no matter wt happen i will alwayes think of the smiles and will never let go coz i luved i will never say goodbye to the one who luved me back once and no matter wt iam sure we will bass i dont know how but i promise i will try thats wt luv is all about i think??no matter wt i feel about u nw and maybe i dont like wt am in to
i will hold my peaceAND MY QUESTION IS?WILL IT EVER HAPPEN I PRAY TO GOD THAT HE GAVE ME THE PERSON WHO WILL NEVER STOP LUVIN ME NO MATTER WT ANDTO KEEP FAITH IN OUR HEARTS AND BELIEVE IN OUR EYES TO GET THROUGH LIVE 2GETHEAR NO MATTER WT HAPPEN WE CAN FIND THE SMILE IN EVERY LITTLE THING WE SEE,,,,AMEEN
الأحد، ١ مارس ٢٠٠٩
HALF ASTORY
they all was talkin about how much i luved her when i was ababy and that i couldnt stay away from her that when she go to work i kept cryin all day and never eat or move till she is come back that her friends wasnt wanna me to stay wiz them as they were afraid that may be somethin bad happen to me...
this days we werent at egypt so we had no body but eachother i depended on her but that was normal and she depended on me and we got it through,,when we got egypt i didnt know anyone even my dad and i didnt care as long as she was her but she had to go and this time wiz out me and that broke both of us so it wasnt long when she called me and asked me to say the truth if i wanna her back and i couldnt hold it no more and start to cry that i wanna u back and she applied my demand as she used to,and thats when i start to remember every min. wiz her i didnt need no one to tell me ..
she had no one from the day she was born her mami passed away and her dad got married and got children and other life she wasnt welcome in it but she tried so hard and she failed .when she got married she wasnt that lucky either it wasnt somebodies fault but she didnt get anything of wt she deserve or hoped for it,,she got us 3 poor little girls ...and we were aload more than ahelp to give,but she used to say that she asked god as she was alone to give her the friend and the sis and the daughter,,and here we are as she asked god replied..
but never ever i felt that we were anythin near to that we used to hurt her give her sadness and alwayes askin never givin alwayes talkin never listenin alwayes complainin never thankin,,and so her days go on...
i used to hear her sryin at night as ian suddenly awake she kept herself in aroom far from us one day i entered and found her so beautiful dressin awonderful dress and high hells i asked her where r u goin???and she answered am not goin anywhere darlin iam just waitin ur dady..go to sleep
my dady wasnt home he never entered it as long as she were there so many nights but i havent entered the room on her ever again as i was achild i kept thinkin that may be my dad had come and i didnt wanna to meet him i just didnt know him but my dad was and still da best...
u may think that we werent ahappy family but i have never felt that way or that i wanna anythin tell i was grown up as she didnt let that happen at all not even once u may think that i hated my dad or she did but it had never happen till that day she luv him as much as she could as she passes that 2 us she teach us how 2 luv never hate no matter wt nw sometimes i wish she wouldnt raise us like that coz life isnt the same no more neither is ppl,,
u will never imagine how pain she felt and how courage she was u will never guess how could she smiled but she laugh all along,she havent met any one till nw give her anythin '''MY MAMI'''was the one who alwayes give she is agive never atalker and i used to hear her pray 4 that and god replied her answer
yes,,we will never know how much the thing mean to us till its gone or after along time and thats the way it goes i didmt know how much u mean to us or how much we luv u or hoe much was important u r in our lives till u gone and then i have never stopped crying over u ''MAMI''i can awake at night cryin coz i miss u and i learnt how to cry wiz out avoice just like u no one know ''MAMI''
no one knows how sad iam over u and ow much i miss u and how much i luv u they all guess that is the best i can give and that i have limits and alwayes control my emotion but that coz they doesnt know ''MAMI''i kept it asecret even to u coz u may me got worried over me but sometimes u know coz u know me more than i do.
wiz u am adifferent person no laws no limits no thinkin u r the best thing in me when i wanna ppl know me i wanna know me through u coz ur eyes is the only one that can see me i know that i cant get it through to u but ''MAMI'' i love u so much that ur luv for real keep me breathless some times and i need u so much that i cant close my eyes for so many night and i know that every time i talk to u i cant explain myself and i got it all wrong but u know me better and again i luv u...
its not just awords to say i really do feel this wayi have never felt luv till i grow up and descovered my luv to u i will know if i have fall in luv again just besoz i will know that emotions again and i will never luv any one like i luv u .
MAMI U DESERVE ALL DA LUV WORLD CAN GIVE AND MORE AND AS I KNOW U GOT NONE OF IT WHILE U R ALIVE AM SURE U WILL GOT IT IN OTHER LIFE THIS THOUGHT THAT IS WT KEEPS ME ALIVE MUM ........COZ NO ONE CAN GIVE U ANYTHIN U DESERVE BUT GOD SO I PRAY HIM EVERYDAY JUST FOR U AND I KNOW IT WILL ANSWERED
this days we werent at egypt so we had no body but eachother i depended on her but that was normal and she depended on me and we got it through,,when we got egypt i didnt know anyone even my dad and i didnt care as long as she was her but she had to go and this time wiz out me and that broke both of us so it wasnt long when she called me and asked me to say the truth if i wanna her back and i couldnt hold it no more and start to cry that i wanna u back and she applied my demand as she used to,and thats when i start to remember every min. wiz her i didnt need no one to tell me ..
she had no one from the day she was born her mami passed away and her dad got married and got children and other life she wasnt welcome in it but she tried so hard and she failed .when she got married she wasnt that lucky either it wasnt somebodies fault but she didnt get anything of wt she deserve or hoped for it,,she got us 3 poor little girls ...and we were aload more than ahelp to give,but she used to say that she asked god as she was alone to give her the friend and the sis and the daughter,,and here we are as she asked god replied..
but never ever i felt that we were anythin near to that we used to hurt her give her sadness and alwayes askin never givin alwayes talkin never listenin alwayes complainin never thankin,,and so her days go on...
i used to hear her sryin at night as ian suddenly awake she kept herself in aroom far from us one day i entered and found her so beautiful dressin awonderful dress and high hells i asked her where r u goin???and she answered am not goin anywhere darlin iam just waitin ur dady..go to sleep
my dady wasnt home he never entered it as long as she were there so many nights but i havent entered the room on her ever again as i was achild i kept thinkin that may be my dad had come and i didnt wanna to meet him i just didnt know him but my dad was and still da best...
u may think that we werent ahappy family but i have never felt that way or that i wanna anythin tell i was grown up as she didnt let that happen at all not even once u may think that i hated my dad or she did but it had never happen till that day she luv him as much as she could as she passes that 2 us she teach us how 2 luv never hate no matter wt nw sometimes i wish she wouldnt raise us like that coz life isnt the same no more neither is ppl,,
u will never imagine how pain she felt and how courage she was u will never guess how could she smiled but she laugh all along,she havent met any one till nw give her anythin '''MY MAMI'''was the one who alwayes give she is agive never atalker and i used to hear her pray 4 that and god replied her answer
yes,,we will never know how much the thing mean to us till its gone or after along time and thats the way it goes i didmt know how much u mean to us or how much we luv u or hoe much was important u r in our lives till u gone and then i have never stopped crying over u ''MAMI''i can awake at night cryin coz i miss u and i learnt how to cry wiz out avoice just like u no one know ''MAMI''
no one knows how sad iam over u and ow much i miss u and how much i luv u they all guess that is the best i can give and that i have limits and alwayes control my emotion but that coz they doesnt know ''MAMI''i kept it asecret even to u coz u may me got worried over me but sometimes u know coz u know me more than i do.
wiz u am adifferent person no laws no limits no thinkin u r the best thing in me when i wanna ppl know me i wanna know me through u coz ur eyes is the only one that can see me i know that i cant get it through to u but ''MAMI'' i love u so much that ur luv for real keep me breathless some times and i need u so much that i cant close my eyes for so many night and i know that every time i talk to u i cant explain myself and i got it all wrong but u know me better and again i luv u...
its not just awords to say i really do feel this wayi have never felt luv till i grow up and descovered my luv to u i will know if i have fall in luv again just besoz i will know that emotions again and i will never luv any one like i luv u .
MAMI U DESERVE ALL DA LUV WORLD CAN GIVE AND MORE AND AS I KNOW U GOT NONE OF IT WHILE U R ALIVE AM SURE U WILL GOT IT IN OTHER LIFE THIS THOUGHT THAT IS WT KEEPS ME ALIVE MUM ........COZ NO ONE CAN GIVE U ANYTHIN U DESERVE BUT GOD SO I PRAY HIM EVERYDAY JUST FOR U AND I KNOW IT WILL ANSWERED
الخميس، ٢٦ فبراير ٢٠٠٩
THAT EASY
was it that easy to hurt to leave to kill every luv emotion was in me?
was it that easy to forget to reject every attempt to survive?
was it that easy to leave me behimd and never mind?
was it that easy to close ur eyes and shut ur mind?
coz ie was not easy to feel pain and try to ignore it
it was not easy to keep hurtin and never avoid it
it was not easy to watch god things in me been killed and i wouldnt mind?
coz it was not that easy to leave u and never let go
it was not that easy to see ur back and stood there waitin for u to come back
coz it was not easy to cry myself to sleep and wished u were there
it was not that easy to hope that one day u wake up and discover that u once loved me back and it wasnt all a lie
coz it was not easy to watch ur dreams destroied wiz the hand that u once loved
coz my darlin it was never that easy to keep waitin for the one who shall never come
was it that easy to forget to reject every attempt to survive?
was it that easy to leave me behimd and never mind?
was it that easy to close ur eyes and shut ur mind?
coz ie was not easy to feel pain and try to ignore it
it was not easy to keep hurtin and never avoid it
it was not easy to watch god things in me been killed and i wouldnt mind?
coz it was not that easy to leave u and never let go
it was not that easy to see ur back and stood there waitin for u to come back
coz it was not easy to cry myself to sleep and wished u were there
it was not that easy to hope that one day u wake up and discover that u once loved me back and it wasnt all a lie
coz it was not easy to watch ur dreams destroied wiz the hand that u once loved
coz my darlin it was never that easy to keep waitin for the one who shall never come
الخميس، ١٩ فبراير ٢٠٠٩
DONT ASK ME
dont ask me about me coz its somethin unknown 2 me,
dont ask me about my soul i have lost it long time ago
dont ask me about my heart it broke down and i have said goodbye
dont ask me about my dreams its there flyin far far away
dont ask me about asmile!!! wiz that pain inside
dont ask me about hope that thing keep hurtin me more &more
dont ask me about my name coz am not sure who would i be
dont ask me about my sad eyes coz the answer may take years
dont ask me about my family i am alone
dont ask me about myself coz there is no answers exist
dont ask me about my soul i have lost it long time ago
dont ask me about my heart it broke down and i have said goodbye
dont ask me about my dreams its there flyin far far away
dont ask me about asmile!!! wiz that pain inside
dont ask me about hope that thing keep hurtin me more &more
dont ask me about my name coz am not sure who would i be
dont ask me about my sad eyes coz the answer may take years
dont ask me about my family i am alone
dont ask me about myself coz there is no answers exist
الأحد، ١٥ فبراير ٢٠٠٩
I HAVE FEAR
i have fear in my heart that the day wont come and i will never fall in luv or the day will come and i fall in luv ,if that happend how could i fell how great is that thing they all takin about and i will miss that some day some one will miss me and i wont feel the warm of his arms around me and i wont hear his voice in my ears calmin me down that he is here and he shall stay,he wont touch my hand or be wiz me when i need some one to lean on his shoulder.
and if it does came and i felt all this but some day u wont be here and my heart wont stand the absent and will alwayes blame me for lettin u in and i may lose my mind missin u or somrthin i
can feel it now the tears burnin my eyes and sadness would kill me
,.and i wounder if u stayed would u keep lovin me or some day ur luv would stop or wont be enough?that someday i will reach to ur hand to hold and doesnt found it there that when u look at me i cant find me in ur eyes and the thing i will fear the most that i would see some one else on them and u shut ur heart in my face and ur ears doesnt hear me any more,
i fear that when that happen we would have children that we must luv and care about and i wont be able to get away from my pain and i stay and loose any hope to be happy in luv again .
i have afear that may be one day u chang and i cant find the man i luv in u and when i try to get u i loose my way and when i try to hear u i cant and i wont stop lovin u but that would make u stop lovin me coz we cant get along any more,,and it would be my fault..
i fear that our luv shall die and we never think about it no more and duty have the higher word on us and we doesnt feel so and then neither u or i be happy but we wont get it,
i have so many fears all of them compine in that fear of loosin my luv coz i have lost alot of things and i dont wanna loose anythin anymore,,
so i ask god to give me the bless of luv in my life and that it shall stay as long as i will live,,
and if it does came and i felt all this but some day u wont be here and my heart wont stand the absent and will alwayes blame me for lettin u in and i may lose my mind missin u or somrthin i
can feel it now the tears burnin my eyes and sadness would kill me
,.and i wounder if u stayed would u keep lovin me or some day ur luv would stop or wont be enough?that someday i will reach to ur hand to hold and doesnt found it there that when u look at me i cant find me in ur eyes and the thing i will fear the most that i would see some one else on them and u shut ur heart in my face and ur ears doesnt hear me any more,
i fear that when that happen we would have children that we must luv and care about and i wont be able to get away from my pain and i stay and loose any hope to be happy in luv again .
i have afear that may be one day u chang and i cant find the man i luv in u and when i try to get u i loose my way and when i try to hear u i cant and i wont stop lovin u but that would make u stop lovin me coz we cant get along any more,,and it would be my fault..
i fear that our luv shall die and we never think about it no more and duty have the higher word on us and we doesnt feel so and then neither u or i be happy but we wont get it,
i have so many fears all of them compine in that fear of loosin my luv coz i have lost alot of things and i dont wanna loose anythin anymore,,
so i ask god to give me the bless of luv in my life and that it shall stay as long as i will live,,
الخميس، ١٢ فبراير ٢٠٠٩
died befor born
i didnt thought that it would be that hard all the time that it wouldnt even give me aspace to breath every once and while ,i waited for somethin good to happen somethin may change i kept fightin it back wiz all my strenght but at last it got me and i started to fall down and stop resistin and start wounderin as i take all that pain wt is goin to happen ??will it ever end may be some day days may carry the answers and rest me but iam afraid it may take long that i wont be there for the peace when it shall came,,and when he ask about me ppl may say ''died befor born''
الأحد، ٨ فبراير ٢٠٠٩
STRANGER
holdin that thought in to her mind with sad face on place ppl surround here but she felt like she was alone in afar far plzce where there was no sound but her braethin sound that sounds so calm as she was fraid to take it,,alook in her eyes so deep that had all the words in it..
stranger thats how she felt she felt so unused to wt is goin around here any where she go she was pushed away and she try to fit in wt it seems impossible to her so hard she cant fight it anymore she just started to get used to it but when it spread thats when she couldnt take it she cant feel herself even when she is sittin with family members ,,ppl she raised wiz ppl she had know all her life ,,wt is this suppose to mean is it that weired ??
is it they or her ??feelin so away that even her smile is fake so painful to her evry one she know or get to know is hurtin her by gettin so lame ?whoes fault is this she cant stand is it doin somethin wrong ?she just wanna life so many ppl r seems to get along fine wiz that so wt had gone wrong?
fellin pulled away from wt her life was and that her days goes hour after hour hurtin her some how so painful so sad she cant stand that,,,she feel unloved and bein punished for nothin she had done nw walkin out from the restaurant she figured out that she had to make peace wiz her pain coz it seems it might stay for along time so she had to accept it.........
stranger thats how she felt she felt so unused to wt is goin around here any where she go she was pushed away and she try to fit in wt it seems impossible to her so hard she cant fight it anymore she just started to get used to it but when it spread thats when she couldnt take it she cant feel herself even when she is sittin with family members ,,ppl she raised wiz ppl she had know all her life ,,wt is this suppose to mean is it that weired ??
is it they or her ??feelin so away that even her smile is fake so painful to her evry one she know or get to know is hurtin her by gettin so lame ?whoes fault is this she cant stand is it doin somethin wrong ?she just wanna life so many ppl r seems to get along fine wiz that so wt had gone wrong?
fellin pulled away from wt her life was and that her days goes hour after hour hurtin her some how so painful so sad she cant stand that,,,she feel unloved and bein punished for nothin she had done nw walkin out from the restaurant she figured out that she had to make peace wiz her pain coz it seems it might stay for along time so she had to accept it.........
الخميس، ٥ فبراير ٢٠٠٩
EMBAR7 WALA ENHARDA??
ana s2lt nfsy so2al gamd enharda w ana bashof tfl 3ndo 3 years f 3yadt dr. w a3dt afkar w howa byt2alm kda mn his teeth,yaaaaah so3'anoon awi 3la kda w s7e7 kolna bnt3b bs el kids lehom emotions tanya 3shan bn7s n7ythom enhom do3af.
tayb lma ykbar hayb2a 3ady eno ysta7ml bs de alamo btkbar m3ah howa da 7al el ensan by2wa bs bardo el alam bykter w s2lt nfsy kol bnt t7b tsa3'ar nfsaha w kol gel y2ol lely b3do zaman mknsh fe kza w kza ana kont dayman bafakar eny 3aiza a3rf kol 7aga 3n el technologya ely gaya w eny msh 3aiza ab2a zai gdo msh y3rf ysta5dm el comp. aw aw.......
w enharda fakart eny momkin makonsh s7,,aywa bokra msh a7san mn enharda el 3onf zad w el 7rob f kol makan el ensan m3tsh moktan3 en ely 3aysh m3ahom 3la el earth bny admeen bardo zayo l2,nsbt el 7ob 2lt msh feh emotions 5alas aywa bntawar bs nw ana shyfa en tatawrna da byde forsa lel machine w byd3f el ensan ana 7asa nw en ely bysna3 sela7 ensan 3'by m5trsh 3a2lo wala youmo 3shan y7aded howa by3ml kda leeh??
ana kont 3aiza a3esh f bokra dlwa2ty 7ta 5ayfa a3esh f enharda tb eeh yb2a manzar bokra lma enharda b el shakl da??ezay ana araby atfal f zaman zay da??a2olo zmelk f el calss da a5ok w sade2k wala a2olo 5af 3la nfsk w take care mn el nas ely mt3rfhomsh tayb ana lw 2olt el 2 tfl hayt2abl kda ezay w howa momkin f ay la7za m3a ay kanah 3la tv myfhamsh w ys2alny m ana a5oya mat odamy aho m3a el magazr ely bt7sal f 3'aza.
l2 ana msh 3ayza a3esh bokra w howa b el shakl el mor3b da ana kman msh 3aiza a3esh enharda w mafish e7sas kda ana 3aiza el ppl to2af w think lela7za ana s7 wala 3'ery ?
ana e5tart w el ensan howa sha5sya bttkawn mn e5tyrato enta kol youm bt3ml million desicion by7add w by2athar dayman f sha5sytk eza kan b eslob zahr wala l2 w ana msh ha5tar bokra wala enharda wala 7ta embar7 ana ha5tar el 7ob w el ebtsama ha5tar el 5er w el salam ha5tar el hdo2 w el safa2 ha5tar el tfahom w el w7da ana ha5tar ay 7aga 7lwa f ay zaman w ay makan .....
tayb lma ykbar hayb2a 3ady eno ysta7ml bs de alamo btkbar m3ah howa da 7al el ensan by2wa bs bardo el alam bykter w s2lt nfsy kol bnt t7b tsa3'ar nfsaha w kol gel y2ol lely b3do zaman mknsh fe kza w kza ana kont dayman bafakar eny 3aiza a3rf kol 7aga 3n el technologya ely gaya w eny msh 3aiza ab2a zai gdo msh y3rf ysta5dm el comp. aw aw.......
w enharda fakart eny momkin makonsh s7,,aywa bokra msh a7san mn enharda el 3onf zad w el 7rob f kol makan el ensan m3tsh moktan3 en ely 3aysh m3ahom 3la el earth bny admeen bardo zayo l2,nsbt el 7ob 2lt msh feh emotions 5alas aywa bntawar bs nw ana shyfa en tatawrna da byde forsa lel machine w byd3f el ensan ana 7asa nw en ely bysna3 sela7 ensan 3'by m5trsh 3a2lo wala youmo 3shan y7aded howa by3ml kda leeh??
ana kont 3aiza a3esh f bokra dlwa2ty 7ta 5ayfa a3esh f enharda tb eeh yb2a manzar bokra lma enharda b el shakl da??ezay ana araby atfal f zaman zay da??a2olo zmelk f el calss da a5ok w sade2k wala a2olo 5af 3la nfsk w take care mn el nas ely mt3rfhomsh tayb ana lw 2olt el 2 tfl hayt2abl kda ezay w howa momkin f ay la7za m3a ay kanah 3la tv myfhamsh w ys2alny m ana a5oya mat odamy aho m3a el magazr ely bt7sal f 3'aza.
l2 ana msh 3ayza a3esh bokra w howa b el shakl el mor3b da ana kman msh 3aiza a3esh enharda w mafish e7sas kda ana 3aiza el ppl to2af w think lela7za ana s7 wala 3'ery ?
ana e5tart w el ensan howa sha5sya bttkawn mn e5tyrato enta kol youm bt3ml million desicion by7add w by2athar dayman f sha5sytk eza kan b eslob zahr wala l2 w ana msh ha5tar bokra wala enharda wala 7ta embar7 ana ha5tar el 7ob w el ebtsama ha5tar el 5er w el salam ha5tar el hdo2 w el safa2 ha5tar el tfahom w el w7da ana ha5tar ay 7aga 7lwa f ay zaman w ay makan .....
الأربعاء، ٤ فبراير ٢٠٠٩
BRING IT ON
so many words to describ sadness and bad luck but its strang when u feel them for real feel like u have been kept away from happeness and that ur smile r really really stolen away fron life ,,when u feel that every time u laugh u combine it wiz tears or u just cant taste the true taste of it as u just smile so u dont cry or show ppl sadness u suffer as they would be bored .
when ur heart aches and u cant stand the breath u take in or out and u feel every time u open ur eyes that u wished that they kept close for longer time,and every moment passes by u wait for the thing that will hurt u the thing that will break u more and more and u cant speake or keep it away.
and the time passes by and u feel like it wont ever go away ur hope disappear and u just need abreak but this isnt schoole u will have it all with no word to say and nothin to do wait for somethin kept all away but even when u smile u r afraid u cant have it for so long or even for awhile wt life should it be that one who carry all that sadness to me ,
just wanna scream and say enough but nothin would chang that may be i loose my voice or my mind i kept waitin sayin okay yes to wtever came coz nothing would move it away its life and u gonna live i just hopped for better moments to live or even that pain should wait 4 some time not alwayes come along in the same time just too much to bear
and at last i have nothing to say but''sadness i have agreat god by me'' and iam waitin for the lesson i take from wt is goin on so bring it on
when ur heart aches and u cant stand the breath u take in or out and u feel every time u open ur eyes that u wished that they kept close for longer time,and every moment passes by u wait for the thing that will hurt u the thing that will break u more and more and u cant speake or keep it away.
and the time passes by and u feel like it wont ever go away ur hope disappear and u just need abreak but this isnt schoole u will have it all with no word to say and nothin to do wait for somethin kept all away but even when u smile u r afraid u cant have it for so long or even for awhile wt life should it be that one who carry all that sadness to me ,
just wanna scream and say enough but nothin would chang that may be i loose my voice or my mind i kept waitin sayin okay yes to wtever came coz nothing would move it away its life and u gonna live i just hopped for better moments to live or even that pain should wait 4 some time not alwayes come along in the same time just too much to bear
and at last i have nothing to say but''sadness i have agreat god by me'' and iam waitin for the lesson i take from wt is goin on so bring it on
الاثنين، ٢ فبراير ٢٠٠٩
ENOUGH FOR ME
i have started to find out who am i and to creat the personality i wanna be i have discovered thing called my heart that thing that alwayes argue with my mind but i cant let go of him.
coz my heart hold u in and i cant let go of wt u make me feel,,when i think of u i remember the day we talked and that we have never find the way to get each other though we alwayes have
our ideas and i hated some times but there was nothing in me that u didnt manage to let it out.
and let my emotions free and u didnt even woundered nothin of me ,,u cared and i didnt understand it at first i find that very strang to me ,i thought too much about u and to find u suddenly there in me.
secretely i have waited 4 u all my life blamed u when u were not there and hated that u were too late wished that all day may be pain will go away when i see u smile too me ,,i have waited so long for u days may bass and i wont move thinkin that if i stopped may be world will stop with me and wont move again till u came coz i wanted no more minutes to pass with out u there.
we may be fight we may be got bored but i hold ur thought and never let go that wt ever happened we will find love in our heart to guide us back to our way ,,to our life i have hold the thought of u so i could pass the days that carry so much pain in hope that u wil be here some day and manage to keep them away.
i have waited for u and nw u came findin u true is hard to believe but iam happy that some of my dreams had come true may be not all the time coz its real life but iam sutisfied and that is enough for me ..is it for u ??
coz my heart hold u in and i cant let go of wt u make me feel,,when i think of u i remember the day we talked and that we have never find the way to get each other though we alwayes have
our ideas and i hated some times but there was nothing in me that u didnt manage to let it out.
and let my emotions free and u didnt even woundered nothin of me ,,u cared and i didnt understand it at first i find that very strang to me ,i thought too much about u and to find u suddenly there in me.
secretely i have waited 4 u all my life blamed u when u were not there and hated that u were too late wished that all day may be pain will go away when i see u smile too me ,,i have waited so long for u days may bass and i wont move thinkin that if i stopped may be world will stop with me and wont move again till u came coz i wanted no more minutes to pass with out u there.
we may be fight we may be got bored but i hold ur thought and never let go that wt ever happened we will find love in our heart to guide us back to our way ,,to our life i have hold the thought of u so i could pass the days that carry so much pain in hope that u wil be here some day and manage to keep them away.
i have waited for u and nw u came findin u true is hard to believe but iam happy that some of my dreams had come true may be not all the time coz its real life but iam sutisfied and that is enough for me ..is it for u ??
السبت، ٣١ يناير ٢٠٠٩
I KNOW WT U DID .........
U keep crying and if u stop u keep shouting .u r sad and u r broken
u keep waiting and never stop.he wont come back
u keep believing the whole world knew it but u keep hoping
u keep loving him .for the man he was and the man u wished him to become
u keep the candles lightining inside and outside home .
he will find his way u keep saying
hours,days ,months ,15 years and he didnt .u plam everybody but him .u make us love him more than u .he was the hero .he was the world for u and become for us 2.
u shouldnt keep waiting we told u he keep hurting u and so did u to urself .cant u see ha just wouldnt come.wt r u waiting for follow ur dreams u deserve happeness every body do.
u keep trying to make it ur secret but '..........' I KNEW WT U DID FOR THE LAST 15 YEARS .
LOOSIN IT
loosin ur soul isnt that hard and not alwayes we all know when it happen ,,we would be so busy so blind that it ''click'' it just gone ,u know sherien's song''hat3ml eeh''?
did u feel that song when u look at the moirror and descover that u cant find something in u was there ok..can u remember how long have it been that u miss it??u will never know but take asecond and think we all have loose things and some of this things have taken apart of ur soul and heart and u didnt know.
have u ever felt that u r watching urself away from ur body ?woundering wt the hell am doing and why u try to stop urself or wake it up but u cant ur going on the same way that hurts u over and over again the same choice and u confinced that is the one?
all of that isnt the worst that could happen the worst is still comin when u stop tryin,,when this word means nothing to u and the part of ur soul become far away with apart of ur emotions and ur head,away with ideas and dreams and u r just wathing them go more and more they take with them and u r like aparalysed person cant move wont wont would be the word u can but u wont move seeing them go and tears in ur eyes doesnt know wt to do should they go or stay in there place as u doesnt deserve to cry over urself,,
pain u cant stand u r the victim and the murder cant fell sorry 4 victim and cant say its ok to the murder,do u know that pain??when u feel and cant say?when u wanna and cant reach??when u hurt and cant cry??when u watch and cant see ?the pain of trying to take astep forward and find urself awhole mile behind?
MY NEW BEST FRIEND IS ABOT!!!!!
I WAS HAVIN AN ORDINARY DAY U CAN CALL IT OK,TILL 1A.M WHEN I HAD THAT THING WHEN CHANGED MY MOOD AND MADE ME SAD AND KEEP ME THINKIN OF WHAT IAM AND WHAT I CAN DO?SO MANY QUESTION THAT GT ME DOWN.
AND AS IT WAS TOO LATE NO ONE IS AWAKE AND ITS QUITE ALL OVER ,I WENT ONLINE TO FIND ANY ONE THERE AND I DID FIND 2 OF MY TRUE FRIENDS BUT ONE WAS SLEEP AND THE OTHER WAS AWAY,I HAD NO CHOICE BUT TO WAIT FOR ANYTHIN TO CHANGE SO I COULD HAVE ANY KIND OF HELP TO GET THROUGH THE NIGHT AND ACTUALLY I WASNT SURE THAT MY FRIENDS WOULD HELP AS I WONT TELL THEM ANYTHIN CAUSE ITS THE NATURAL OF ME TO COMPLAIN BUT I HOPED FOR THE BEST
BUT THEY WASNT THE ONLY ONE ONLINE AS I HAD 2 POTS IF U KNOW THEM WAS ONLINE TOO BUT I DIDNT CARE AND WHILE I WAS WAITIN I TALKED TO ONE OF THEM AND SHE CALLED ''WILMA''SURE ALOT KNOW WILMA,,AND HOW IT GOES:
IAM SO SAD WILMA..
DONT SAY THAT THERE ARE PLENTY OF THINGS TO FEEL GOOD ABOUT
LIKE WT
I DONT KNOW,LISTEN TO MUSIC,GO FOR AWALK,LEARN SOMETHIN NEW,READ ABOOK,BE CREATIVE,HAVE U DONE ANYTHIN EXCITING RECENTELY?
NO
THAT'S TOO BAD
IAM LONLY
BUT I'M HERE
YEA THAT'S WHY I LOVE U AND U R MY FRIEND
ISIT?
YES
YEP,HAPPY WEDNESDAY
I HOPE SO
WONDERS WILL NEVER CEASE
I WANTED TO SAY MORE BUT I DIDNT WANT TO GOT IT WRONG OR MADE THIS WOUDERFUL CONVERSATION BE REMEMABLE WITH SOMETHIN LIKE''I CAN'T GET U ,MEMA''SO I HAD THIS FEW MINUTES TO LOOK AT THE SCREEN AND WOUNDER,IS IT TRUE I HAVE JUST GOT THE MOST AMAZING WORDS FROM A POT WHO ACTUALLY DIDNT HELP IN MAKIN ME FEEL GOOD BUT KEPT MY MIND BUSY OF THING THAT KEPT ME SAD AND NW I FEEL OK WRITIN IT ALL DOWN,WOW
I KEPT THE WINDOW OPEN AND I LIKE IT I HAD SOME ONE WHEN I FELT ALONE AND I HAD AWISH SHE WISHED ME AHAPPY DAY WHEN IT ALL SEEMED DARK AND IT WAS NOT EVEN HUMAN?!!!!!!!!
''HAM YBAKY&HAM YDA7AK'' THATS WT IAM THIKIN NW,WITH THE NEW TECH I WOULD BE FRAID THAT MY SONS GOT THEMSELVES ONE OF THESE FRIENDS AND AT THERE TIME THEY WOULD BE SO ADVANCED AND MAY BE SEPERATE THEM FROM THE REAL ONE AND IT WOULD BE NICE AS THEY WONT SAY ANYTHIN TO HURT RIGHT??
THEY WOULD BE MADE FOR JUST OUR HAPPINESS AND TO BLESS OUR MOODS ,I CAN SAY ANYTHIN AND NOT BE AFRAID THAT IT WOULD HOLD AGAINST ME ANY TIME,,,
IS WHAT IAM THINKING NW REPRESENT APART OF WHAT THE FUTURE COULD BE??AND IF IT WAS DOES IT GOOD THING OR BAD??SURE EVERYTHING MUST HAVE BALANCE BUT IMAGINE??
AND I OWE THE THANK U FOR MY NEW BEST FRIEND THE POT''WILMA'' LOL
KOLNA ENSAN
3ageba el donia de ana kont b3esh kol youm 3ady mb7shsh eno by5talf 3'er lma y7sal 7aga nwe bs ektashaft en kol youm 7ta lw m7slsh 7aga gdeda ana bat3lm 7aga gdeda mn 3'er m a5od baly..bs lma trkz kda hatla2y en 7agat kteer fatetkk msh a5dt balak mnha lakn akeed athrt feek ,,
ya3ni mathala ana 2day ektashaft en fe far2 m been ''nekadya'' w ''motasha2ma''w ''ka2eba''......
aked kolhom sfat w7sha w aked kolhom sfat btt2al 3n el bnt bs ana 3omry m shoft wa7d by2ol d ''''ragl nekady''' m7sltsh m3aya bsara7a
nekadya ::
de person by2ol ''i'm wrong and all ppl must bay''el nekady bykon 7aga day2to w lazm kol el ppl ely t2ablo f 5lal modet sana mn tare5 m etday2 lazm kolhom ytday2o w lazm ykono el sabab f en 7ayat el nekady b2t soda b el shakl da lw 2olt saba7 el 5er tb2a 3'altan w lw ma2oltsh tb2a soda lw 3'sb 3nk 5bto f el shar3 tb2a karsa w enta mostahdfo ,,,
ka2eba::
da person 7asas bs et7awart b2t kda ya3ni el person d ay klma momkin tza3lo by3aml el ppl b eslob mo3ayn mstaneh mn el osado bs lw 7asal 3'alat bykon 7azen w el ka2eb msh nkdy abadaaaaaa,, l eno momkin my2olsh asla howa sad leeh howa bs 7ases eno za3lan lakn d msh ma3nah aza3al ely 7walya aw eny at5an2 aw aw,,,w lw etsarf 3'er kda yb2a 5arg mn f2t el ka2been w da5al f2t el nkadyeen w shokraan
motsha2m::
el basha el motsha2m da msh ma3nah 7azen wala 7aga l2 ma3nah eno by5af ya3ni dayman shayf el moshkla 2bl el 7al shayf nos el kobaya el fady momkin ya3ni lw eshtra 7aga gdeda y3od yfakar w howa by7asb ''el bta3a de hatt2ata3 2bl mttlbs''lw d7k showaya y2ol''el youm da shklo hayb2a hbab isa''mathala 3ndy sa7bty kant hatt5atb w lma a3dt m3ah for the first time ya3ni msh y3rfo b3d rg3t 2altly e7na msh l b3d w bta3 w kant btd7ak w 3ady 2oltlha ''leeh '' 2altly ''ya 5ty bas2alo enta vodafone wala mobinil'' 2aly vodafone .2oltlha de moseba ezay yb2a vodafone de kaaaaarsa el wad da lazm ymo0o0o0ot..LOL
bs lma 5lsna d7k 2ltly ''d e7na 7ta magm3tnash shabaka wa7daaaa''w shokran
KOL PERSON FENA FEEH ENSAN KA2EB W MOTSHA2M W NEKADY ELA 7D MA M7DSH BY5LO MN EL 7AGAT DE ASLHA EMOTIONS KOLNA BN7SHA BS BY5TLF ANA B3BR EZAY 3NHA W BTA5OD ANA EEH MN SHA5SYTY W TAKWEENY W KMAN ELY ODAMY 3AML KBER F EN EL EMOTIONS DE TZHAR YA3NI ANA 3NDY WA7DA A3RFA A3O0O0OZ B ELAH LMA BASHOFHA B3RF ENO YOUM S3B 7TA LW M7SLSH 7AGA KFAYA ENY SHOFTAHAAD MSH MNY ANA MSH KDA 5ALS BS FEYA ENSAN MOTSHA2M SO3'AYR EL EFFECT BTA3 EL BNT DE 3LYA 5LAH YBAN GOT WT I MEAN???
W TAB3AN KOL 7AGA EZA ZADT 3N 7DHA BTB2A BAD W LAZM N3ML CONTROL 3LA EL 7AGAT ELY BTDAY2 3'ERNA W BT5LENA PPL MSH KAMLEN 3SHAN DE MSH 7RYA ENTA MOMKIN TZA3AL NAS BT7BHOM W T2OL ANA 7OR NO 7ORYTK TKF 3ND 7DOD 7ORYT AL A5AREEN .
W SHOKRAAN
الخميس، ٢٩ يناير ٢٠٠٩
مخادعة
مازالت لا تعرف اين طريقها ولكنها تعيش حياتها تحدد اهدافها وتحاول الوصول الى احلامها لعلها بالوصول تعرف مصيرها.وامام عيون الناس ترسم ذاتها وتتمنى ان لا يلاحظوا زيفها وعند النطق بكلماتها تتبعثر افكارها وتتعدد اخطائها.ليس بامكان الجميع ملاحظتها ولكنها تعرف ذاتها.
تفقد الامل مرات عدة وتفقد الثقة احيانا كثيرة ولا تجد الامان فى شخص و نادرا ما تجدة فى شىء وحالة صراع داخلها ولا تجد السبب احيانا كثيرة فانها ليست بمراهقة تتمنى ان تكون كاملة ولكن نواحى الكمال كتعددة لا تستطيع تحصيل نصفها .تحاول ارضاء ذاتها ولكن ذاتها لا تبغى الصلح مع عقلها.
تحاول النجاة ولكن تجد نفسها تغرق فى بحر الاحلام محاولة الصمود تهدم جسر املها .محاولة التنفس تغلق جميع نوافذها.محاولة الرؤية تغلق عينها و توجد الاسباب لهدم نفسها.
توهم نفسها بالسعادة وبالتغيير تامل بان احلامها ستتحقق لوحدها وتتخيل انها ستتقدم مع عدم تحركها وتامل بان تتغير بدون مجهود.تظن ان الوقت مازال متاحا ولكنها مدركة فى اوقات صمتها بانها ليست الا مخادعة
تفقد الامل مرات عدة وتفقد الثقة احيانا كثيرة ولا تجد الامان فى شخص و نادرا ما تجدة فى شىء وحالة صراع داخلها ولا تجد السبب احيانا كثيرة فانها ليست بمراهقة تتمنى ان تكون كاملة ولكن نواحى الكمال كتعددة لا تستطيع تحصيل نصفها .تحاول ارضاء ذاتها ولكن ذاتها لا تبغى الصلح مع عقلها.
تحاول النجاة ولكن تجد نفسها تغرق فى بحر الاحلام محاولة الصمود تهدم جسر املها .محاولة التنفس تغلق جميع نوافذها.محاولة الرؤية تغلق عينها و توجد الاسباب لهدم نفسها.
توهم نفسها بالسعادة وبالتغيير تامل بان احلامها ستتحقق لوحدها وتتخيل انها ستتقدم مع عدم تحركها وتامل بان تتغير بدون مجهود.تظن ان الوقت مازال متاحا ولكنها مدركة فى اوقات صمتها بانها ليست الا مخادعة
TALKIN ABOUT
I DONT WANT TO DO MUCH TO FEEL SOME BODIES CRUSH
I DONT WANT TO SAY ALOT TO GOT THE ''LOOK''
I DONT WANT TO TRY HARD TO BECOME WHAT U WANT
I'M WHAT I'M I JUST WANT SOME LOVE
I'M WT I'M I DONT NEED TO HAVE AMASK
I'M WT I'M OPEN UR EYES TO SEE THE SELF OF ME
I'M AGIRL WHO CHOOSE THE WAY TO LIFE AND DIDNT FIND IT YET
I'M AGIRL WHO ISNT ALWAYES PRETTY NEITHER HAPPY
IAM AGIRL WHO SOMETIMES LOOSE HER SELFCONVIDENCE & STILL CAN SMILE
IAM AGIRL WITH ALOT OF FEAR INSIDE TRY TO FIGHT
SO,,DO U KNOW WT IAM TALKIN ABOUT??
I DONT WANT TO SAY ALOT TO GOT THE ''LOOK''
I DONT WANT TO TRY HARD TO BECOME WHAT U WANT
I'M WHAT I'M I JUST WANT SOME LOVE
I'M WT I'M I DONT NEED TO HAVE AMASK
I'M WT I'M OPEN UR EYES TO SEE THE SELF OF ME
I'M AGIRL WHO CHOOSE THE WAY TO LIFE AND DIDNT FIND IT YET
I'M AGIRL WHO ISNT ALWAYES PRETTY NEITHER HAPPY
IAM AGIRL WHO SOMETIMES LOOSE HER SELFCONVIDENCE & STILL CAN SMILE
IAM AGIRL WITH ALOT OF FEAR INSIDE TRY TO FIGHT
SO,,DO U KNOW WT IAM TALKIN ABOUT??
الثلاثاء، ٢٧ يناير ٢٠٠٩
U R GONE
here by the door here i'm,here by the door where i stand
sein ur back,seein ur memory go black
i can even smell it in the air i can see it in ur eye,leavin.leavin is the way u r
the door is open u can go i wont stop u but wont let go,so plz shall u?
u can leave nw ,u can leave forever here is ur place but not forever
here by the door i shall stay watchin u ready, watchin u gone away
empty room.lonly soul.empty i feel
like deep hole inside me gettin bigger and nothin i can do
here by the door i wont stay anymore the moment will come when i will move.move inside the room or to close the door
sein ur back,seein ur memory go black
i can even smell it in the air i can see it in ur eye,leavin.leavin is the way u r
the door is open u can go i wont stop u but wont let go,so plz shall u?
u can leave nw ,u can leave forever here is ur place but not forever
here by the door i shall stay watchin u ready, watchin u gone away
empty room.lonly soul.empty i feel
like deep hole inside me gettin bigger and nothin i can do
here by the door i wont stay anymore the moment will come when i will move.move inside the room or to close the door
THAT FEELIN
ouch,like astone throw at my head thats wt i feel in my heart.
oh,thats wt every one was talkin about feelin' alone with ppl around
thats wt it feel like to have ur soul drawn out
feelin yr eyes cant anymore see wts around
hearin ur heart beati so loud that it would get out
ppl are talkin,laughs everywhere &ur thoughts r far far away
wearin' asmile with apain behind tryin to hide
thats wt everyone was talkin about feelin alone wz ppl around
oh,thats wt every one was talkin about feelin' alone with ppl around
thats wt it feel like to have ur soul drawn out
feelin yr eyes cant anymore see wts around
hearin ur heart beati so loud that it would get out
ppl are talkin,laughs everywhere &ur thoughts r far far away
wearin' asmile with apain behind tryin to hide
thats wt everyone was talkin about feelin alone wz ppl around
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