i just cant stop..its wt i have been thinking about lately,i cant control me no more ideas see sometimes its ok but nw am starting to hurt ppl and that even worse. but i just can stop or my when am alone and sufferin depression its fine by me i could survive after days or weeks i know i will get out of in some time but nw am not sure am going 2 get out wiz out some series loosin and injures to me and other.. its everyone deserve a happy live sign and i was living alife befor wiz up and down moments but for awhile i have been livin asad life.one i cant breath in and cant even fake asmile..my head try more than once 2 explode..i havent been that sad befor and i havent cry as much as i do.. i hear in holiday season ppl commited suicid more than other time but i have never think about it i just nw know why..to me feast was never aspecial time or anything it was alwayes normal time for me its just that time we dont go to school in SO WT i never asked for that to change and dont get me wrong am not askin that nw am jst feelin that maybe coz its feast i should at least feel as i did in da past not that sad and lonly i feel like iam pressured between 2 metal doorsand i have to hide that from everybody and yet dont forget the sweet happy smile.. the most hurtful thing when i see happy ppl around me and believe me in holiday season ppl are around alot..some wanna have fun ,other r having fun,me i dont even desire fun,and that just kill me slowly..even my desire my hope for fun even the spirit in me has been dead??? i just cant stop i started to be agressive wiz ppl around me coz i started to feel bad and sad so sad and after alook i descovered that they r happy and trying to be and its all on me to provide the time and things and apply ther demands and at the end of the day am the one i cant close my eyes from akiilin pain in my leg or my head or worth in my heart.. teras some time dont comfort me they dont wanna go and other they alot thet headche stays for awhile and the worse the same ppl who is doing this doesnt notice that they doing that doesnt notice that wiz out wt am doing some things will change and they take me as granted as iam doing nothing and nothing is gonna be..when i open my mouth to talk they litterely but they hand on their ears or saying out loud lalalala and other they loud their voice wiz wt in their mind wt i can say they have somethings in commen..i havent hit the bottom yet they tend to tell me wt even to say not asingle move or word pass in peace alwayes something wrong ALWAYES cant they even notice...again i try to talk and i cant even finish my word.... i just cant stop ''ana msh mabsota at all nw'' is wt my sis was sayin 2day and my head startin to go crazy she is not happy NW coz she cant find anyone bringin her pepsi nad for real she is started to act sad i couldnt believe it how about me was the thing i thinked about instant wt about me ...am the one who is standin here trying to fix things 4 u and ur friend so u could have agood time actually i didnt do it coz she have agood time but i did it coz its amust i did it wiz out thinkin and so on wiz action may seem small but wiz great affect i just cant stop notice how asmall cut may hurt more than abig one?and some scratshes may have longer to recover...my reaction to wt is going around me after havin 2 depression sleppin days that i started to act badly 2wards them when they dont deserve even some dont do anything and i start to blame every little thing aorund me even the tv..huh i just cant stop i feel bad every night after the day is over,,every one i talked wiz made him/her sad every thing i did was missin something coz i wasnt in da mood i swear that in da end of the day my head is being so painful to me and i cant imagine that they r mad at me they have the right but wt about me WT ABOUT ME i cant make anyone happy even me,,,i can help no one ans still am in pain i express my emotion so wrongly and act so long in da way to resist and i just cant stop i cant think of a solution nw or anything i just wanna all out i cant even find the point of wt am writing i cant teach the lesson or get it..so may be i have aprayer i do pray for ashinnin star alight from so far can help me to fly and away i will try asmile i will find in corner in my life and maybe alaugh..i will be able to talk and be heared and my silent words will be get i will find my peace and i could finally breath and close my eyes and the wind will carry me open my arms and wind tinkle me spin around,,,and when i open my eyes i find my corner got wider wiz green trees and white pink roses and calm voices every wherewhisper in my ear ur happy ur away and i just cant stop dreamin and prayin the someday my dream will be true...
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